Gossip Girl
G.G.

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: D | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Sale Of The Century

OEDIPUS WRECK

Sophie: "Thank God Blair miscarried another man's baby. That shit is PR you can't buy."
Louis: "I am tweaking so bad I can barely register the sick-ass thing you just said, Mommy. Let us do the Lambada. The forbidden dance."
Sophie, verbatim: "All relationships are business. Sometimes you are lucky, you have love as a bonus. Let us hope that you stay lucky!"

THE PLOT OF GIGI

Gross Old People: "Hey, do you like being a little kid?"
Little Kid: "Yep! Sure do. Probably my favorite part is that I don't have to shoulder adult concerns."
Gross Old People: "Well too bad! We are going to sell you to an old man and he's going to fuck you!"
Little Kid: "I'm not sure that's..."
Gross Old People: "Did we mention you get a pony and some ice cream out of this deal?"
Gross Little Kid: "Oh, in that case."

All Women: Are whores.
The Makers of Gigi: Are real gross.

PREP

Eleanor: "I feel like I've forgotten something. Weddings always make me feel like I'm about to form a life partnership with gnomes or gays, though."
Cyrus: "Stop calling me the father of the bride. The father of the bride is over there, being gay without his partner. I do love Blair, but let's be cool."
Harold: "In the meantime, let's dance!"
Eleanor: "I like dancing with you because of how all gay guys are the same."

Some Lady: "Serena, we need a new Best Man for this wedding. You get to pick for some reason."
Serena: "Well, that should be..."
Dan: "It will be me! Don't even bother opening your mouth."
Serena: "Dan Humphrey, my hero! You know, the Dan I knew five years ago could barely box step. Now you're volunteering to dance?"
Dan: "Once I put my dress shoes on, I'm sure I'll still step all over you. Like always."

Cyrus: "Hey, she's here! The Princess Bride!"
Subtlety, Restraint: "Are you kidding? Of course. What's really surprising is that we didn't make that joke eleven times ago."

CNN: "Do you privately wish to be called 'Princess,' or 'Mrs. Grimaldi'?"
Blair: "This wedding is a terrible idea. I need to talk to Serena."
Dan, cutest part of the whole sordid episode: "Go right ahead, Mrs. Grimaldi!"

It's more the way he says it, not so much the fact itself.

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Gossip Girl

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