Blair: "Serena, I can't believe I'm going to be a princess!"
Serena: "You were always royalty, in certain ways. To be completely literal, though, now you'll have an entire country to rule! Because you're gonna be a real life princess!"
Blair: "And meanwhile, you're in love with Dan. Also to be completely expository."
Serena: "No, that was a grotesque display of craziness worthy of somebody like you."
Blair: "Oh, I thought you guys were actually back dating. I guess it was your moon-eyed creepiness toward Dan that made me think that. How about you just tell him you're in love with him, even though he's clearly disinterested? Don't turn this into last season when you kept pretending you had to choose between him and Nate. Or the year before that, when you pretended being siblings meant you guys were off-limits. Or the year before that, when you pretended Aaron Rose wasn't utterly repulsive. Or the year..."
Serena: "Basta. You've made your point."
Blair: "I don't think I have. My main point is that there's only room for one ridiculous woman on this show to create fake plotlines in order to justify a twenty-plus episode order."
Eleanor: "Blair, seeing you all pretty reminds me of what a good mother I've always been."
Blair: "Mother, seeing you reminds me to have a panic attack."
Eleanor: "Take these pills. They're how I got through my wedding to your gay father. Also, most days."
Cyrus: "Are you saying this wedding is a stupid idea?"
Eleanor: "I generally find it hard to justify my daughter's choices, because she is a lunatic, but usually I prefer to sit back and silently judge. This time I'm going to actively sabotage her."
Cyrus: "You are a truly a wonderful parent."
Georgina: "Where is my stunted-growth baby Milo?"
Husband: "Who really cares?"
Georgina: "True enough. Now help me with my wicked scheme to run around all over the place in this church and act a mess."
Husband: "Yes, dear."
Chuck: "Nathaniel, stop worrying about me fucking up this wedding."
Nate: "You're right. I forgot that you are the most trustworthy person on this show."
(Three seconds pass.)
Eleanor: "Chuck, I need you to fuck up this wedding."
Chuck: "Sounds good."
RUFUS & LILY