Dan: "Sabrina. Cherokee and Weetzie Bat, nice to see you guys as always."
Sabrina: "Thank you! God, it's like he doesn't even notice 'em, perkin' up the breeze like this. What do you want, though. Why are you here."
Dan: "I want to make you feel just wretched."
Sabrina: "Continue. With unwarranted hostility and out-of-character directness, if you please."
Dan: "Fine. I just wanted to say best wishes. I hope you do marry Barry Watson."

Quote: "Frankly, it would be the kind of desperate, attention-seeking stunt that would prove you're every bit as shallow and sad as the character in my book."

Sabrina: (Slaps the shit out of him with such well-earned and righteous force that his hideous loaf of oiled '80s curls flips the entire other way, like a Vegas croupier doing card tricks.)
Dan: "My hideous loaf! My one blown pupil! My sudden brain hemorrhage! Who's that at the end of the tunnel? Is that CeCe Rhodes? Come over here and give Danny some sugar."

He dies, choking on his own awful nature. Sabrina drags his corpse into a shrubbery and continues merrily on her way.

Chuck: "I called the Ostroff Center, although they've for some reason changed the name to the Pedowitz Institute."
Georgina, Nate in tow: "...Guess what I found?"
Blair, verbatim: "Looks like Nate Archibald to me."
Chuck: "Nailed it."
Nate: "I found her snorting ointments in the bathroom. Apparently Sabrina is on drugs."

Georgina & Chuck: "[Pandering atheist joke that doesn't make any sense, but plays to that kind of atheist that, in lieu of a personality just like any worthless pothead, will dependably cheer at the very mention of atheism.]"

UESD: "We have to stop this wedding! Serena must never be happy!"
Dan: "Well, it's not her wedding. I'd say more, but that would ruin you ruining everything. Please, go on ahead making assholes of us all."

Barry Watson: "When Sabrina came here to our small town of Poughkeepsie four months ago, she was replacing a beloved doctor and we thought she'd never fit in. A real fish out of water, she was! Why, she wore her Louboutins even when it was our town's annual Cover Everything In Cow Shit Day!"
Crowd: (Amused murmurs.)
Barry Watson: "But she's come a long way. Rassled an alligator, upheld crude southern stereotypes, invented a new type of chili. Even indulged massive amounts of warmed-over quirkiness that would shame a lesser actress into ritual suicide..."
Crowd: "Why are you talking about this? This is not why we are here!"