Gossip Girl
Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | 365 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Hobo Humpin' Upstate Babe

Georgina spots Chuck's giant limo -- "I memorized the license plate," she says, which God Bless but also references Dan's line in the last finale about her photographic memory, which again God Bless -- and suddenly we are all together. Georgina cuts the limo off with her minivan at the foot of the driveway where, apparently, Serena's remains will be found.

Dan: "This was a lot more fun when we did this together in those outfits."
Blair: "You're tellin' me, sister."

Dan: "I'm still jealous that you dumped me for very valid reasons such as my personality and my haircut and fucking Serena in front of your very eyes for no reason."
Blair: "It honestly slipped my mind that we dated at all."
Dan: "Speaking of my one million resentments, everybody has to do exactly what Georgie says, and not help Serena when we find her. I am a petty bitch."
Georgina: "No surprises there! But seriously, you guys. We gotta Grizzly Man this shit, for Dan's new book."
Blair, verbatim: "This isn't a reality show, Sparks. This is reality. A concept I know you're a little fuzzy on. So whatever filth-filled, paint-huffing meth den we find Serena cracked out in, we don't judge."
Nate: "We're still her friends no matter what. NJBC por vida."
Chuck: "We're practically family! Some seasons, literally!"
Georgina: "Whatever. If we've learned anything from this show it's that Serena is capable of almost anything, and also nothing. She is everywhere and nowhere. You cannot imagine what we are likely to find..."

What they find: A beautiful modern mansion on a hilltop, full of windows and sunlight and strangers saying a friendly "How do."

Georgina: "...I would just like to point out that most serial killers are high-functioning members of society who lead a double life. She could be trapped in the basement, or buried in the backyard..."
Dan: "Here's hopin'."

PARTYTIME!

Servant: "Upper East Side Dickholes, party of five. Shall I announce?"
UESD: "We're looking for Serena! Blonde, legs for days..."
Servant: "Um..."
UESD: "Boobs."
Servant: "Ah! Gotcha. Right this way. Miss Sabrina, a party of dickholes is here for you."

Sabrina stares, stares, stares. Her boobs stare, stare, stare. The UESD stare, stare, stare.

Gossip Girl

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