Dan: "I noticed, I just didn't give a shit."
Nate: "And I was running some type of a business."
Blair: "And I was in Versailles."
Chuck: "And I was in Dubai working on a secret I think my fath..."
Blair: "Wait, so you died choking on your own cokewhore vomit?"
Sabrina: "As if you care!"
Steven: "Um, I kind of do a little bit."
AND WHILE DAN'S ON A ROLL...
Dan: "Also, while I'm handing out disgusting behavior, I just want to put it out there that I'm still mad at you for breaking up with me."
Blair: "I'll deal."
Dan: "But really what I'm mad about is that you dumped me for Chuck..."
Blair: "Yeah, that was a real stunner."
Dan: "...And now you're not even with him?"
Blair: "We have a sensible plan! I will continue to live in my mother's shadow, and then when he feels like it, I'll crawl back under his. We both have things to do."
Dan: "You broke up with me for things. Simply just whatever things. I'm pretty sure he's hosing you, but whatever. As long as everyone is miserable."
Blair: "It's the Dan Mist! He just speaks and suddenly I doubt it all! That old black magic once again! You're like the undermining, bitchy best friend I always wanted to be."
Dan: "Well, my job here is done. Wait, try this on verbatim: You think you two have an epic love, but all you have are excuses."
Blair: "Wow, that was devastatingly shitty. Well done. But speaking of epic love, I have to go find Serena."
Ivy: "Sorry I just dropped by Lily's like that, but I wanted to cause as much havoc for both of you as possible. Speaking of which, I am giving you an over-the-pantser while we're discussing what a bitch she is. JIC your groin is as insensate as your fucked-with face."
Rufus: "See, I thought that was what was going on. I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's kind of like The Hand That Rocks The Cradle or Poison Ivy right now."
Ivy: "First of all, human sexuality is a moving target. And secondly, though, don't I make you feel good, Rufus? Don't you like this?"
Rufus: "I don't know that I entirely want to this to happen. I don't want anybody to find out..."
Ivy: "Say whatever you want. Whatever makes you feel better. But this is happening."