Upstairs: So much drugs! The door opens on Chuck Bass, in a pile of whores, doing a fat fucking rail off the desk, and Blair's all WTF! and the board members are all WTF! and Jack is like, "This is the best day ever." Blair books it out of there and GG gloats, "Oh, Chuck, didn't your father teach you? Never mix business with pleasure!" and downstairs, Serena's finally forming words about it, but they're not really helpful or unredundant, and Jenny and Eric basically just scramble their expressive eyebrows at each other. Chuck rushes into the room behind Blair, who looks like she's seen a ghost -- which is what she's seen -- tucking in his pants and trying desperately to pull it together. He tries to apologize to the boardmember guy, and it's not really working, and then all the boardmembers file out past Chuck while he looks sadder and sadder and more and more effed, and it's pretty much hilarious because it's about fifty people and it takes a really long time for them each to walk past him with disapproving looks. B's like, "WTF some more?" and he manages to turn her sweet surprise brunch and overcompensation of nonromantic romance and desperation to be a part of his life no matter what shape it turns into -- the things that are the recipe for Blair -- and fully goes, "I don't need your help. Stop trying to play the wife." My notes say, "Wow that's disgusting," but honestly it wouldn't be if he weren't (subjunctive!) so damnably right.

D: S wait I had to promise not to tell
S: orly? why?
D: i still dont know but i think it has to do withyour mom is a whore
S: beg pardon
D: thats what my dad said or at least constantly implies
S: he probably inherited that from me bcause i am your grandfather or something

D: im sorry but i had to lie
S: oh ok
D: youre not going to throw a huge fit?
S: nope, i get it
D: i dont understand that
S: i know lol

D: so wait ur not going to hold this over my hed forever and whip it out whenever i have grounds to be mad at you?
S: no, thats shitty behavior 4 real
D: its also called "last season"
S: i know, it sucked 4 me

D: i dont understand the irony of this at all because i am a hypocrite
S: thats ok i think still im yor grandfather so we both have our areas of blindiness i guess
D: we r both kind of stupid sometimes huh
S: you probably inherited that from me