V: should I get Squirrel Nut Zippers lol that's so boho just like me
D: fuck a bunch of candy i have real made-up problems
V: just tell me
D: swear on your [hipster vinyl reference]
V: ok lol
Nelly Yuki: I want some candy so I can eat my feelings and not think about the hideous abuses that constitute my entire life.
V: so tell me
D: j/k i have to brood som emore first
V: omg lady
Nelly Yuki: Lurking creepily behind giant bins of lollipops is my entire life now because I have become desperation personified. I'd better steal Dan's phone instead of just listening to them talk about this loudly less than one meter away from where I'm standing.
V: omg if theres pilot inspektor that means what
D: i dont know but its bad
V: does it mean that S is your grandfather?
D: i think so
V: i am homeschooled what is ur excuse
D: i am worried that y cant legally date ur grandfather
V: you have to because xoxo
D: ok give me some advice bcause you have never ever fucked everything in the world up
V: u have 2 go 2 Chuck's brunch and cause a big scene obvs
D: oh shit those little demon girls are here to rip me a new one u dont want to see this
Man, I love it when the little demon girls show up. I love that it's always the same ones, too. Lil S is like, "How could you do it? How could you cheat on Serena again?" Lil B spits, "Brooklyn pig!" and Lil S, dwarfed by her scarf, is all, "How could you let him do it, V?" Vanessa, being self-obsessed to a degree that would be surprising if she weren't Humphrey-adjacent, is thrown: "You know who I am?" Lil P becomes amazing just like her older New Crazy counterpart: "Please. Dating Nate Archibald after striking out with Dan Humphrey? Talk about failing upwards." Lil B screams suddenly, just like Queen B would: "WHO ARE YOU CHEATING WITH?" She sounds like a Dalek, it's awesome. He swears he's not cheating, then his hands flutter around all gay and he bounces because the little demon girls scare him so bad, because they are so scary. Lil S shoots him one more nasty look, and Vanessa just stares at the little demon girls, charmed by their lack of boundaries as only Vanessa could be, and over in the corner Nelly Yuki is grinning insanely like Gollum and hanging onto Dan's phone like it's Edward Cullen's choad.