Jack's waiting for Chuck when he comes home, and does this whole Better Man routine about how he feels bad about acting the fool, and Chuck professes his love and admiration for Jack, who's all, "Before we start spooning, I want to take you out tonight to properly celebrate," which of course means coke and whores. Chuck protests that he's having dinner with B, and Chuck says that their "friendship" is the sort he's found usually results in gonorrhea. "Suprax?" Chuck grins, and Jack nods conspiratorially: "Rocephin." He goes on to give Chuck the Who Are You Really speech that brings Chuck and Charles and Charlie Trout all into the room like he's Toni Collette, and brings in a bunch of prostitutes. Chuck is charmed like it's Christmas and his birthday rolled into one, and they are... very young looking, these hos. Needless to say, he's out of there faster than you can say Inappropriate Pervuncular Relationship, and GG is barely even awake to fake her curiosity: "What's it gonna be, Chuck? Business and Blair, or cocktails and coquettes?"
S walks in to bug V at the Bedford Gallery café, and Vanessa is immediately like, "Dan is currently located at the loft, because my babysitting shift ended twenty minutes ago."
S: no lol i am here 2 spy
V: i love doin that
S: right? I know lol
V: but i dont know anything
S: but ur his BFF and favorite person
V: true and thanks for remembering but no
S: i will b ur friend
V: ur rusty at this
S: look i have to find out this is a whole new world for me
V: what is
S: trying! caring about anything!
S: i know you are lying
V: i know, im loving this xoxo
S: pls just tell me and stop being abitch
V: i cannot
S: well i tried
V: dear dan pls tell S about your shared sibling Pilot Inspektor
V: that was conceived in Boston 19 yrs ago by Lily and Rufus
V: remember? Lily is S's mom. And Rufus is your dad. And they have a baby.
V: and then it was adopted and R never knew but L and CeCe Rhodes knew and then Bart died but he knew before he died remember?
V: remember how that is a big secret?
V: remember that big secret?
Nelly Yuki: i have absconded with lonelyboys phone
P: its so big and clunky it doesnt even have a camera
Iz: bcause hes poor
Nelly Yuki: no its so big bcause its full of secrets!!!1!
Dan's Phone: Vanessa Abrams is a fucking douchebag. Here are all the secrets.
P: Nelly Yuki i am impressed. i wont hit you for the rest of the day
Nelly Yuki: my standards for a good day have become lower since we started hanging out