Gossip Girl
Gone With The Will

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Son That Went Missing

Blair lights some candles and turns down the dimmer on her romantic non-romantic dinner, wearing a HOT dress. You guys, did you know Blair has really lovely breasts? Serena's breasts : Marilyn Monroe :: Blair's breasts : Norma Jean Baker. Chuck texts her that he's "working" and she is very sad; meanwhile the streetlights are whirling drunkenly outside Jack's limo, and Chuck is kissing girls and telling stories and acting like a drunk ass, and Jack is loving it. And for a show in which fully half the storylines right now are about made-up fake incest, it feels a little weird that Chuck and Jack are basically all about having orgies with prostitutes and all of this, because that actually is a lot more like incest than this show's idea about incest, which is not anything like incest. Which still doesn't explain why it's so titillating, but I think Jack's hotness is the secret answer to that one. "Looks like Chuck Bass made his choice. But careful, Bass. Now that you're a big fish, there are a lot more sharks in this pond."

L: I just noticed that you are a drama queen with the emotional maturity of a houseplant, who has been holding me hostage by the short hairs of my own conflicting feelings about twenty-year-old decisions I made that were totally correct.
R: Eventually we will hear the hoofbeats of reindeer on the roof of this hotel, and then you will realize that you are a dick for not believing in the Great Pumpkin.
L: Oh I'm realizing something all right. Which is that I'm glad Bart died in a bloody car accident, because if I'd actually left his ass for you I'd be feeling like a serious fuckup right about now.
R: Do you see my fingers? How they are crossed? Doesn't that mean anything to you?
L: Do you see this one finger I'm holding up?

Lawyer Guy: Remember how I told you the parents weren't interested?
R: Yeah, you were just kidding, I remember that.
Lawyer Guy: Well no, I wasn't, but anyway they just said that you should suck it, as I mentioned before, but now twice as hard, and also stop fucking harassing them.
R: Whatever. Lil, they don't want to meet with us.
L: WE KNEW THAT A WEEK AGO
R: Look, stop yelling. This is all happening because you're a bad person.
L: No, this is all happening because it's what was obviously going to happen, which I've been telling you for the last fifty episodes.
R: Because you are an asshole.
L: Being right doesn't make me an asshole. Indulging your constant BS does, though.
R: I! AGREE!
R: WAIT, BACK UP!

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Gossip Girl

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