Gossip Girl
Gone With The Will

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Son That Went Missing

S drops a fist-sized rich people strawberry in her champagne at the brunch. It tastes like the sweet fucking absence of Aaron Rose; it tastes like trading his wispy pretend facial hair for the childlike smoothness of Dan Humphrey's hairless cheekbones. She sort of snarls funnily about the old folks in the corner and B explains they're on the board of Bass Industries. See Serena, she don't care about the old folks, talkin' 'bout the old style. She just wants to get crunk, never wear underwear, and play some Guitar Hero without anybody making trouble or talking loud. She picked the wrooong show to be on.

B snatches an ├ęclair out of Isabel's hand, and punches her in the face before returning it to the platter whence it came, with the little placard saying, "Reserved." That's so sweet and so crazy, all at once. S asks how the non-date went, with the breasts and all that, and B admits he rescheduled, then checks out S's noncommittal smirk and how her breasts will always win, on this show. "Spare me those expressive eyebrows! I can't wait till you get Botox." She delivers a short speech about how Chuck is being awesomely grown up right now, which is B's total catnip for many reasons ranging from the understandable and self-informed to the creepy and gay/French/pie/bulimia/abandonmenty. She proudly brandishes her phone, because Jack's arriving with Chuck, and snits, "Now you'll see we're just friends!" There is no point at which this is not a lie, and B always knows somewhere in there when she's lying, but it's a place she prefers not to acknowledge, so the total yearning and asking to be destroyed that she's doing right now have no other outlet than the expressive eyebrows of Serena van der Woodsen. And express they do.

Little J: dan pls stop acting stupid and just be here now at this party
D: but without drama who am i
J: just b a good BF
D: lol um ok
J: its just a party and ur just a boy with no secrets
D: I HAVE ALL THE SECRETS
J: huh?
D: nothing.

J: so even tho my hair is more tragic now than its ever been we r going to enjoy this yes?
D: yeah bcause i love chuck so much
J: lol I know right
D: j/k
J: i know

D: but not really bcause i am sort of gay for chuck
J: i know that 2 lol but n.e.way text me if you need me, i have to go be unwanted by Eric
D: I have dads phone its more sad than my stolen one
J: our dad is so fucking sad
D: if you think about it 2 much u would cry and never stop
J: we should try drugs sometime 2 dull thepain of our parents sucking so bad
D: I know right lol

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