Gossip Girl
Gone With The Will

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
The Son That Went Missing

S: o good!!1!! Dan ur here to act all fcking weird on me some more how awesome lol
D: i will start now
S: y wait?
D: "I love brunch you got waffles and eggs and little kipper-looking things in the same spot I love this meal it's perfect."
S: I know! You can drink in the am! xoxo brunch!

Blair claps her hands again like with the doppelgangers to shut everybody up, which is my (and Dorota's) favorite thing that ever happened on this show, and gives a little speech about how all these grownups and people need to fucking shape up because Chuck is coming, and then Jack enters alone and B gets the crowd through the first line of "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" before they all trail off, and B starts grilling Jack so hard that she doesn't even have time to hear the Plastics when they walk up and say flat out that they found out the life-changing dirt on Dan's big secret and they're about to let fly the dogs of bitchy behavior, but she's doing the B thing where she doesn't even hear what you're saying, so like WTF ever just let me yell at this guy. So they shrug and grin and send the big secret to everyone in the universe, completing the latest in a long line of Abrams fuckups.

Jack snottily introduces B to some random board members -- Pete Holmberg, Alice Cashman -- and she straps on her fakest smile. Jack says that Chuck is upstairs "working," and offers B as a tour guide. She takes him up on it, anxious to see Chuck and even more anxious to see what a good job she did making everybody celebrating him, and doesn't think twice about what a total snake Jack is. And just like that, she becomes one of the two birds, and the stone thrown itself. Because take away the Board's confidence and you have a Chuck that wants to fight, but take away Blair Waldorf and you've got no good reason to.

Jenny sits with her brunch plate, wearing a stupid goddamn side braid and looking like the biggest dork to stalk gay teens since Sandy Cohen was still doing pro bono. Eric finally tells her that he and Jonathan are going to try this radical thing called people do when they're dating called "dating," and she is sort of miffed. He does the kindly Eric thing of softly introducing reality into the situation, and she responds like a Humphrey, which is to say that doing her the favor of hanging out with her friendless ass isn't doing her any favors, and he's like, "Stop yelling," and she's like, "All you do is talk about your boyfriend and My Boyfriend This and My Boyfriend That and it's like, I'd be fine with your gayness if it never came up, but it's like you keep shoving it in my face," and he's like "Everybody that is dating somebody is like this so stop being a dick, and also I'm sorry that our first boyfriend did us both so wrong, but go get your own boyfriend instead of trying to recreate that scenario and then it won't seem so annoying because we'll both be annoying" and she calls him conceited and he calls her annoying and she runs off like it's the first goddamn time anybody's ever called her that in her entire life. I'm sure at least three people at this brunch were like, "God, who's that annoying girl with the marmot on her head that won't leave that poor little queer boy alone?"

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Gossip Girl




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