Lawyer Guy: I found the adoptive parents of Pilot Inspektor.
Lawyer Guy: Except they said no, and they hate you.
R: not awesome!
L: awesome! we done here?
Lawyer Guy: With a closed adoption, the only way the birth parents can track down and contact their child is if he registers with a search service. Your son has not done this. In the olden days we would call this "Providence."
R: noo! this is all about me as usual!
L: no its not, stop being a baby
R: i will hold my breath until i turn blue
R: listen, how do u feel about being pathetic?
Lawyer Guy: I'm listening.
R: could you beg more and talk about how i am prepared to whine forever and ever?
Lawyer Guy: ok
L: fucking great
In the hallway -- where once again Serena is roaming the halls at her leisure because she has no classes to go to, ever -- S points out that B is going Chuckwild again, and she's like, "No, we're just friends and I have to be a good friend to him like you told me." S is stymied, and then GG gives a new report. B asks what's going on with Dan cheating and GG being obsessed about it, "Not that anyone else would ever want Dan Humphrey, no offense." Serena reads the blast aloud, cheating us of a precious GGVO: "Nothing yet on Lonelyboy, but we did find out he brown bags it for lunch. And today's plat du jour? A tuna sandwich. Disgusting, but not enough for a conviction. Keep digging, kiddies." Blair awesomely goes, "Tuna fish? Why does he make it so hard for himself?" And S is like, "How did this happen this time?" The Plastics grin at them spookily, and S sighs, and B couldn't care less: "It's so hard finding obedient minions. But right now I have to go get ready for my absolutely nonromantic dinner with Chuck. Ta." S watches the Plastics grinning and thinks about God knows what she's ever thinking about. Collective ownership of the means of production. That song from The Neverending Story. Cantaloupe.
Vanessa and Dan venture into Dylan's Candy Bar and talk about candy for like a thousand years, because Vanessa things "all things gummy" are the perfect symbol of her love relationship with Nate Archibald, not that she's wrong. Apparently even though Nate is back in bromance with Chuck, he doesn't feel like attending the surprise love brunch where clearly something horrific is going to go down. Dan is pissy and vacant enough that Vanessa realizes he's being more than the usual amount of these things, and suddenly it's about him. Just like that!