Juliet says, "No, I didn't." Serena says, "Oh, good. Now we are friends. Thank you for not doing that." Juliet says, "I respect also your inability to be places, and I side with you over the professor of our one class, English Lit, who has higher hopes for your place-being capabilities than is really appropriate." Serena says, "How do you be places?" Juliet says, "I don't know, but I got places to be. Also, Nate is totally getting tested for Serena crotch viruses right now, which is something else I sympathize with you about." Serena is like, "You are such a good friend!"

Dan and Nate head inside to get tested together, and instead of jumping to the obvious conclusion -- or pointing out that Dan DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE -- Gossip Girl will assume that it's because they have Serena Transmitted Disease, so Serena grabs them on their way into the clinic and they stop holding hands and whistle and look at the sky. "Why did you confirm the rumor? Why did you go to the health clinic! Today! And you! You don't even go here! Both of you! We haven't slept together forever! You are just being mean!" Nate's like, "No, I am being horny."

Instead of realizing that Juliet's scheme is, as usual, completely transparent -- "Hey, stand right here." "Hey look, he's standing right here!" -- Serena goes to a hilarious place like, "Listen. I sucked every dick in France. And you got all the way to porn stars in Chuck's book, which is like whore with a nice crusty whore on top. So probably we do have many diseases. But instead of going in there to get tested, which can only 'ruin' my life today, why not be classy and go somewhere else? Or you could sit outside the health center and write an unrelated email, for example."

Nate's like, "Girl, you know I can't read and grabs Dan's hand and pulls him into the clinic. Vanessa sees them getting tested and -- instead of jumping to the obvious conclusion, or noting that he doesn't even go to Columbia -- assumes that this has something to do with Serena, because Vanessa, her head is like 43% tofu and superiority but the rest is just van der Woodsen all the way. I mean, so is Dan's? So it's not like she's wrong? But it's still wicked stupid of her to be so horrible all the time. You catch more flies with honey than you do with poisonous irony and self-hatred, as my grandmother used to say.