Gossip Girl

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The Dandy Frightening The Squatter

Serena loves school so much, you guys! She loves getting dressed for school and thinking about her class schedule and wandering aimlessly around the campus without a plan. But most of all, she loves that cab outside the Waldorf building. You know the one, the one taxicab that makes all the difference? No, silly, not the one in front of it. And not the one behind it! Not the towncar she could be taking all over the place, not the black car she could call before engaging in what must be hours of effort to get her hair so effortless apr├Ęs-sexe every morning. Just this one cab. And don't you know it's haunted by the ghost of a sexy little rapist soldier-doctor from 1961, and his sexy ways, so that every morning our darling S comes out of the building -- making "geek chic," as Gossip Girl so misguidedly tells us -- to go to her one class in this one cab, and there he is. Being cute. And a ghost from another time.

The ghost likes Serena's purse! She doesn't care. The ghost has a different girl every night and puts a different girl in the cab every morning. She doesn't care! Last night it was an actress, possibly to star in a movie about a talking dog, just like Little J. Serena doesn't care! He wants to buy her ghostly drinks like a Red Snapper at the ghostly King Cole Bar, and Serena says No! Because he still has the girl's magical shoes in his hands! She will be auditioning barefoot for the talking-dog movie... But S doesn't care! She loves being barefoot. The ghost offers S the girl's shoes and she tells him to take hike. Then S gets into another cab. A lesser cab for sure and one that may get her expelled, but it's a cab nonetheless. She is so annoyed she makes that fuck this face and ignores his giant dazzling smile. Mama's got places to be, pal!

"Indra Nooyi, Ann Moore, Andrea Jung." Blair's minions have created a system of color-coded binders -- businesswomen are in green, women in academia are in blue, politics and government in red, with a subsection on royalty and dictators -- the better for her to "forge" her "path to become one." I see Blair's back to talking like Serena wrote her dialogue again. Included in the red binder is Sarah Louise Palin, which causes Blair to abuse a minion, and then Serena appears and they have a conversation. It goes like this.

Serena says, "I need advice." Blair says, "What kind of advice?" Serena says, "The simple kind, like how do you know when to be places." Blair says, "I'm not sure I understand the question." Serena says, "Wait, what are we talking about?" Blair says, "The Art Of War and also ladies. A lady is coming to this school." Serena says, "I love that lady!" Blair nods condescendingly and ignores it, the world, everything. Slaps minion in the face. Serena says, "What about Chuck?" Blair says, "He is not part of my collegiate experience." Serena says, "But how do you know when to be places?"

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Gossip Girl

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