Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Dandy Frightening The Squatter

WELL, announces the visiting bluestocking, a powerful career-driven woman who intimidates men and is probably a lesbian, "Since I'm a powerful career-driven woman who intimidates men, I must be a lesbian? No! My class is full. Forever!" She leaves in a huff, complimenting the lesbian lady on the way out with a look that says, "Visit me in the Ladies' in ten. I'm not gay, but I'm not dead either."

Serena runs up to Dean Reuther, the Dean of Columbia or something, and Professor Lawford, the guy who invented five-minute office hours. Serena starts to apologize about showing up so late to school and meetings and the party and even this sentence, but doesn't even get to the part where she explains about the ghost and the taxicabs and the red snappers and Old King Cole and all that, and the Dean stops her right there, because just guess what Juliet was doing while Vanessa was keeping watch? Sending Lawford an email from Serena's phone to get her expelled, something genius I'm sure along the lines of, u give me an A ill give u some A lol or u raise my gpa and ill raism y skirt lol or 69s not just my last quiz grade b4 the curve lol.

It doesn't help that this was her opener: "I'm so sorry I didn't make our meeting this morning. But as I mentioned in my email, I'm hoping to impress upon you -- upon both of you -- that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to succeed at this school," even though if you actually sent those emails, why would you put it that way, and say all of this in front of the Dean, and this is all just so terribly stupid. Anyway, then it gets dumber because the Dean's like, "Now of course in the Columbia faculty we all read Gossip Girl -- a blog about high school students -- but we try not to let those rumors affect our work. However, this clearly forged email is grounds for expulsion." Serena stares shoots and leaves.

Here's Juliet's explanation to Vanessa about the email she clearly forged: "If you ask me, it sounds like an idea that Serena would get all on her own." Vanessa's like, "No, she wouldn't. I'm tired of pretending that treating Serena poorly will do anything to help my station or feeling of self-worth. I'm going to tattle." Juliet -- this is also genius -- immediately comes back with a prove-the-negative burden-of-proof imaginary scenario: "Maybe if we had access to it, then somebody else did as well!"

Right. The villain of every episode so far, who has already copped to using Vanessa as a pawn three out of three times, thinks maybe this is all a coincidence. We don't know all there is to know about the world. It could have been anybody. Could have been spirits, aliens, werewolf, Marla Gibbs, coulda been singing dancing living teapots, like in Beauty & The Beast. Who's to say?

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Gossip Girl




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