Gossip Girl
Hi, Society!

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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How Could You Use Our Poor Nate So?

Dan shows back up at the gallery, admitting that he has been bested by Cece. As though there was any question. "She has a habit of doing that, but maybe it's for the best. You're here with your family." Or most of it: Alison naturally wonders where the daughter she alienated might have gone off to, and Dan's like, "Or you could give it ten minutes before you get mad?" No, Dan. Get mad now. It's Jenny we're talking about. Alison revs up her excitement and takes her second-favorite child on a tour of her shitty art.

Group dancing! And the Pierces! Performing at cotillion! This is what I am talking about! Come on, show, be like this more often! Blair watches Nate staring scarily at Carter dancing with Serena, and does the math, which is that Nate is still into Serena. Which isn't true, but Chuck has cast a spell that now includes everybody. "We're friends now, right? You can tell me." Carter laughs as they trade off, joking that he's a better dancer than Nate; Chuck whispers to Nate that he's telling her what he's going to do to her later. It's very Shakespearian, because nobody can hear him say this but Nate, and there's no way he could have heard what Carter was saying, so it's like this dreamlike hot mess. Love it. Nate jumps all over Carter and starts a big huge fight. And I'm sure all of Society is like, "I heard his dad was a cokehead, too." Blair bitches that the boyfight ripped her dress, which was custom-made of course, and begs Jenny to fix the dress so she won't get in trouble. Jenny is trying to leave for the gallery, but Blair promises all will be forgiven.

Lily is pissed at this point, because Serena has managed to embarrass the hog caller, then start a brawl between Nate and Carter...it's all so Serena, because she wasn't actually present for any of it, like, she just wanted to wear a pretty dress and for people to stop calling her grandmother an asshole. That's literally all she had on her agenda. And instead, she has caused chaos and ruin for the tenth night in a row. She yells at Lily for rewriting her presentation statement and the Junior League crap, and Lily's like, "It's a society ball, Serena. You have to represent yourself well." Serena asks the very Dan-like question, "How is it representing myself well if it's all lies?" Um, you just...answered your own question? I never expected to have to explain irony to Serena, about this of all things, but, like, to me? Being yourself is how they get you. Look at Blair: she keeps all her scary, awesome shit private, and never pays for anything. Why this need to implicate everybody in your shit, Serena? Just repress yourself until it comes out in weird kinky ways, like the rest of us! Serena points out that her mother, as late as earlier that day, was not a pod person, and that Lily lied and said it would be okay for Serena to be herself. "All you care about when people look at me is what they think of you." Um, yeah? See, this is what happens when you drink Dan's Kool-Aid. Basic shit stops making sense to you. Cece ghosts her way through the background of the scene but doesn't say anything. Lily protests that she accepts and loves Serena, but then Serena gets intense. "No you don't, but let me tell you something. If I ever do have those two children, I would never do this to them. I would accept them for who they are, including who they date, no matter what, and I'd make sure they damn well knew it." So...Eric is gay? Explains the highlights, at least. Serena runs off with her skirts held high and a very Dan-like anger in her eyes.

Dan's phone rings and a strange person makes a strange request. Who could it be? He heads out to meet the mysterious person. I hope he is not being effed with. Dan's been through a lot this week.

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