Gossip Girl
Hi, Society!

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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How Could You Use Our Poor Nate So?

Anyway. C and N walking, and Nate's wondering who's escorting Blair to the ball. Chuck slides it sideways: "Why? Are you having remorse sex fantasies about your ex?" I think any time Chuck goes to the sex place, you should look behind what he's saying, because it's always misdirection. Nate protests, but Chuck's all, "Don't eff with an effer. I know that look." You know what's effed is Nate's hair. Nate is preoccupied by the fact that, of late, Blair is "lighter, happier, less Blair." Heh. Chuck is wearing a crazy trench coat with label-queen logos all over it, and a crazy secret grin: "She does have a certain glow about her, doesn't she?" Oh, Chuck. You effer.

Jenny is trying, for what seems like the billionth time, to explain debutancy to her stupid brother: "A debutante ball is all a girl could ask for! It's gorgeous and formal and totally [wait for it] legendary!" Dan points out that it's also "out of touch and totally classist," and Jenny wonders, not if Dan has ever seen this show called Gossip Girl, of which he is the star, but why he would even be going. Dan spills the scary iconoclastic beans that neither he nor Serena will be attending the debutante ball, because they are rebels without a single cause between them. "I'm just going to meet her grandmother," speaking of effers, "to make a good impression and take off before I put my foot in my mouth, like I usually do." We're talking about a difference of nanoseconds here, Dan. Not to mention that usually it goes the other way: you say eighteen embarrassing things and then finish with a delightful flourish that scoots you over the hump and makes you adorable again. Either way, it's neck-and-neck, and meanwhile, Jenny's ridiculous tam o'shanter is additionally an effer, and this whole set of scenes back and forth is so ridiculously badly looped that it's like a telenovela.

Blair compares and contrasts how, with Nate, all she gets is "some rosé in the back of a Town Car," but with Prince Theodore, she gets "a security detail and a high-speed chase to the Pierre after it's over." I don't know what that means, but I want in. Everybody's Livejournal needs a little Prince Theodore. Serena laughs that she can already see Blair on the cover of Hello!, and Blair tells us that she's doing a "Night Out With" for the Times, like she's not already too famous for that, but that the Prince is part of her plan to give them the most perfect Night Out of the whole year. No doubt!

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Gossip Girl

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