Jenny tries on a lovely dress and Alison enters, clearing her throat. "I kept the tags," she hisses. "I'll return everything tomorrow." Alison lays it on the line how she knows it's been weird adjusting back to life together, but that Jenny's got her over a barrel: "I can't keep being afraid that if I act more like your mother and less like your friend, that I'm gonna lose you." Which is valid, sort of, except...this would not be a problem if you had acted like her mother in the first place, instead of a bony vapid idiot deserter, so you tell me. Parenting is not a fucking notion. That stuff makes me so mad. Jenny makes a hideous face about how if Alison had just stayed in Hudson, Jenny could still be running around getting drunk and constantly raped all the time. "Well, I am not there. I am here, and I don't really care if that makes you happy or unhappy. I'm still your mother. You can come to my show tomorrow, and then you are grounded for a week." Jenny protests that it's unfair, but I don't know. I kind of like that Jenny's getting totally fucked for bringing her mom back to town, because that traces back to the horrible advice of Vanessa Abrams, which is funny. Jenny's the only person that is actually paying for reminding Alison that she had a family. Well, and Rufus, I guess, except Rufus is asking for it at all times.
Nate is crying to Chuck about how he did everything perfectly, matched his tie to her dress et cetera, and Chuck's all, "Like the book says, she's Just Not That Into You." Then there is awesome: "Man, I have to find out! It's killing me. You guys are still pretty close, aren't you?" Chuck's like, "In a sex-type way, but yeah, we're friends." Could you find who she's seeing? "Me," Chuck says, awesomely, and dumb old Nate's like, "Exactly! Who's on first?" Awesome.
When WASPs Attack! Grandmother Cece makes a beeline for Dan the second he walks in, and delivers a succession of Waterford vases and Tiffany eggcups chock full of whoop-ass: "Do you like it here, Mr. Humphrey?" He says it's like a museum, cold, but it has good water pressure. "That's not what I meant. But of course you would make a joke, that goes to my point. The way you feel? It never goes away. It just gets worse. You'll always use your dessert fork for your entrée. You'll always feel underdressed, no matter what you wear, and at dinner parties, it will be as if there's a language that sounds like English, and you think you speak it, but they don't...hear you. And you don't understand them. As time passes, you'll feel that people never see you, when they look at you, but wonder merely whether you're Serena's whim, or her charity case, until the day comes when you realize that girls like Serena don't end up with Dan Humphrey. They end up with the Carters of the world, and people like you, they turn into cocktail party anecdotes of their foolish youth. So why don't you give it up and spare yourself the pain, hmm? I'm sure Serena will understand." YES! I LOVE YOU, CELIA RHODES! TAKE HIS BROKE ASS OUT!