Blair's inherited fashion empire is every bit as important as Chuck's disinherited real estate empire; therefore their shared intent is to both become Powerful Women before their love can once again be consummated. Serena has moved across the Park, into a strange parallel dimension called the Upper West Side, from which she hopes to rule the land as a very sophisticated Grown-Ass Lady. Nathaniel Archibald believes himself to own a company that provides goods or a service of some kind, and is dating a young lady with a preposterous name. Dan and Georgina are working to provide support for one another in becoming the most perfect assholes they can possibly be. Jenny and Eric are operating a pirate ship and black-bag private security firm off the "coast of Africa," while Pilot Inspektor has become a hair colorist and gluten advisor to the stars. Lily and Rufus are dating the oldest and the youngest creeps, respectively, that have ever creeped on this show.
UP & AT 'EM, UES
Ladyhawke sings us a pretty little song as we travel from bed to bed, watching rich white people wake up whenever they feel like it and act like it's the saddest thing of life.
Nate: "Gosh, I am tired this morning."
Sage: "Maybe it's because of all of our sex-having."
Serena: "I just wish I had five more minutes to be asleep in this track suit on your bed that looks like a couch from a plastic surgeon's waiting room."
Barry Watson: "I am so old that I wake up at four AM every morning. I use the time for journaling."
Chuck: "I have a lot more time to sit around being intense about vague things, now that I am not having sex with every single person."
Pretty awesomely, Dan opens his eyes to find Georgina staring down at him.
Dan: "I thought we agreed that you would cut that shit out."
Georgina: "Yeah, that would be dumb. Do you realize how easy it is to stalk you now that you live with me?"
Dan: "I don't live with you, I am staying on your couch because I can never go to Brooklyn again because I saw something nasty in the woodshed."
Phillip: "How am I okay with anything that ever happens on this show? I shouldn't even exist, is how little sense I make."
Blair: "Dorota! Why didn't you wake me up?"
Dorota: "Bitch because you grown up human."
Blair: "Feed me, bathe me, and take me to the atelier."