Sage and Steven, after much fussing around with slow Nate and distracted Serena, eventually clarify for everybody that they are daughter and father. She's seventeen, making her a good month or so younger than Serena. Everybody acts like it's this huge deal, like Nate can't believe he's fucking somebody who's basically his same age, and Serena can't believe that the guy she's dating specifically because he's old enough to be her father has a daughter, but eventually they all realize they're kind of ridiculous and after a few laughs, go back to dating each other again, but now with a super-creepy twist of like, "No going down on that newspaper magnate that nearly married your stepmother when they were younger than you and whose Congressman cousin nearly left his wife for her... until you've finished your Trig homework."

BASS APT

Bart: "Don't you ever get tired of trying to get out from under my thumb, boy?"
Chuck: "It was a lot easier when you were dead. I was constantly overcoming this shit, two three times a season, when you were dead. But now I just want to know why you didn't die, because I have a hunch that will help me get back your empire if I find out."
Bart: "Really?"
Chuck: "I don't know. Maybe I just have extreme daddy issues like everybody else. Here, I'll whisper it seductively and if it makes your skin crawl, we'll know it's real."

SO REAL

Blair manages to work awesome forgotten details of the Ponzi scheme into her freakout on Nelly Yuki and Poppy Lifton, like how Gabriel's supermodel grifter posse was selling "fake African satellites" when they stole all that money and Blair turned Georgina and Jesus against each other. In the end, it's revealed that -- as with all good schemes on this show -- your best bet is to just wind up your toys and let Blair's innate insanity take care of the rest.

Nelly Yuki: "All I did was set up the article and let you do what you always do. Implode."

So she does, and continues to do so, and she acts so insane that Nelly Yuki and Poppy Lifton decide to leave her out of the article altogether, so now suddenly Blair has no designs, no WWD, no connections, no hope. Which is when Serena's security guys finally track her down, and carry her out of there. I'm not even sure there's a plot reason this time, since we already know she will always implode, but in terms of setting up even more obstacles for her to overcome, I'll allow. It's not like last year, where the humiliation itself became the point.