Gossip Girl
High Infidelity

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 5 USERS: A+
Everything Was Beautiful & Nothing Hurt

Chuck: "Dude, I totally forgot that season where your ghost bitched at me all the time."
Bart: "Anyway, I paid Amira off with that money you stole from her that I already paid her off with, and now I am just sitting here staring into space in your house for no reason."


Serena: "Blair, oh my God. Please don't be at my Gala. You ruin everything. Every episode there is a big party, and every episode you manage to ruin it."
Blair: "That's what I do, baby. I am a ruiner. I ruin lives. On the other hand, you neglected to inform me, once again, that you'd moved back into town..."
Serena: "Yeah, because it's none of your business. Look, I'm really not playing around. Leave, or security will escort you out."
Minions: "We killed one of Poppy Lifton's models! We left her for dead in a duck pond! Here is her dress for proof! Also a bloody scalp!"
Poppy: "Give me that identical dress you stole from my dead model, you bitches."
Serena: "See, this is exactly what I am talking about. Precisely something like this."

Sage and Steven, after much fussing around with slow Nate and distracted Serena, eventually clarify for everybody that they are daughter and father. She's seventeen, making her a good month or so younger than Serena. Everybody acts like it's this huge deal, like Nate can't believe he's fucking somebody who's basically his same age, and Serena can't believe that the guy she's dating specifically because he's old enough to be her father has a daughter, but eventually they all realize they're kind of ridiculous and after a few laughs, go back to dating each other again, but now with a super-creepy twist of like, "No going down on that newspaper magnate that nearly married your stepmother when they were younger than you and whose Congressman cousin nearly left his wife for her... until you've finished your Trig homework."


Bart: "Don't you ever get tired of trying to get out from under my thumb, boy?"
Chuck: "It was a lot easier when you were dead. I was constantly overcoming this shit, two three times a season, when you were dead. But now I just want to know why you didn't die, because I have a hunch that will help me get back your empire if I find out."
Bart: "Really?"
Chuck: "I don't know. Maybe I just have extreme daddy issues like everybody else. Here, I'll whisper it seductively and if it makes your skin crawl, we'll know it's real."

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Gossip Girl




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