Gossip Girl
High Infidelity

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: A+
Everything Was Beautiful & Nothing Hurt

Serena: "Do you watch that show Millionaire Matchmaker?"
Nate: "Yeah, of course I do. How else do you think I get Chuck to finance my entire lifestyle and pretend company?"
Serena: "Oh, because I was going to say you shouldn't watch that. It's bad for you. Not only are her assistants some of the grossest ass-bag tattoo trash I've ever seen in my life, but they named their child 'Sin Halo Jude' and they dress him in baby undertaker clothes. This isn't the '90s, we don't live in the Jim Rose Penis Piercing Freak Circus anymore. Kid Rock was a long, long time ago. If you wouldn't have those people in your home, why invite them in through the television? And more to the point, that woman is a monster of a person, just utter garbage. And that's not even getting to the TV show part of it, which I don't know if you've noticed this but it's about a woman whose career is that she is a literal pimp, of mentally ill prostitutes. Women so out of touch with their own bodies that they are willing to have sex for the rest of their lives with somebody based on how many purses they can buy -- and she actually helps them be better at this, so they can better accomplish selling themselves out in this way. You aren't born that way, with your brain hollowed out. Those whores are made, and it's not a happy story. And when you watch that show, you become part of that story. You know, just because you're gay doesn't mean you have to watch everything on that channel."


Lily: "Did you have an affair with Amira, or did you spend a weekend with her in Dubai doing something else? Something that might cause you to fake your own death, but was simultaneously so boring that she can't remember what it is?"
Bart: "Yeah, and I think you just proved why I didn't bother telling you about it."
Lily: "I know, I almost fell asleep just saying those words."
Bart: "Anyway, how weird that she's extorting money from me, huh?"
Lily: "Yeah, it makes me worry about Charles or something. I haven't really been paying attention to this storyline, though, so I could be way off base."


Barry Watson: "You sure call me a lot, woman. I was given to understand that people of your generation preferred texting to voice calls."
Serena: "I was just wondering if we were exclusively dating each other or what."
Barry Watson: "Remember how you lived in my Poughkeepsie mansion for four months under an assumed name and eventually were the Maid of Honor at my gay wedding? In upstate New York it doesn't get more intimate than that."

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