Amira: "Wow, you're sort of awful."
Chuck: "Please. Extorting your blackmail money and keeping you prisoner in my home is like, the least abusive thing I've ever done to a woman on this show."
Chuck receives a text from Blair, which did not come from Blair but in fact from his cybercriminal master phone phreaker dad, and rushes off to the Central Park Conservancy Gala so he can help sabotage a Women's Wear Daily article.
Lily: "Where's your old-ass boyfriend, Serena? I can't wait to have bridge nights where it's just the two of us and our old-ass husbands!"
Serena: "Off somewhere cheating on me, probably."
Lily: "Aw, that sucks. What's he gonna buy you?"
Lily: "After he cheats on you, what are you gonna get."
Serena: "Have you been watching that awful show too?"
Lily: "Honey, I've been a whore since way back before that show. Before The Bachelor even."
Serena: "Oh great, and now he just texted that he's coming to my gala. What am I gonna say to him?"
Lily: "Uh, nothing. Did you just completely forget how life works?"
Serena: "Is this Rhodes Woman shit?"
Lily: "This is like the Rhodes Woman LSAT, honey. Don't let him ruin your night. Just think of it as handing him more rope. Only in this case, the rope is made out of your own self-loathing. Pretty soon you'll feel so cold you'll barely be alive."
EVERYTHING WAS BEAUTIFUL
Nate: "Why not, Nate? It's gotta be five o'clock somewhere, and it's not like you have a real job."
Sage: "Nate, thanks for finally picking up the phone! I've been calling you all day because of your cryptic voicemail!"
Nate: "The one where I said I was dumping you and then I dumped you and then I hung up and then I refused to answer any of your subsequent calls and texts?"
Sage: "Yeah, I just really feel like you're sending me some mixed messages."
Nate: "Do not ever call me or try to see me again or I will have you shipped out of the country. I am not interested in you and I think you're a bad person."
Sage: "I just don't get what you're trying to say. I'd better buy a dress for this gala tonight so I can ask you to clarify what you mean about our relationship."
AND NOTHING HURT