There's a long monochrome intro with some kind of annoying rooty-tooty jazz age song playing, and Serena gorgeously doing her publicist thing at the door, and Nate gets out of a limo and S -- still mad for the admittedly awful shit he pulled on her last week -- immediately points out that he arrived alone, because his only friend is Dan: "What's wrong, you don't have any friends left to screw over?" And the new Bad Nate I'm loving so much immediately spits, "At least I'm on the list and not working the door!" Glad to see he's enjoying the entitlement that comes with being a van der Bilt, but more importantly: She got him back, and fucked up his latest plan to make things right with the Grandfather as well as Tripp's campaign strategy. He's slippy-sliding and I love it, but I don't think that line is proof of evil: He's just pissed at Serena and being bitchy, like we always knew he could. Serena rolls her eyes about what a dick he is and looks fantastic some more.

Jenny arrives in a total outfit: The Gaultier is a black super-wide-leg pantsuit, so she looks like the trophy wife of a Hollywood kingpin hosting a coke and key party in 1976. Just totally scary and glamorous and hard. The minions arrive looking cute and instantly start bitching about how come, if this party is so exclusive, Eric is behind the rope texting with Jonathan and waiting to get in. Jenny admits that she got ratted out and has to be nice -- the girls shoot mean glares in his direction -- but that she's got an evil plan that "won't get [her] caught this time." Which is a gross misstatement, because it's the exact same plan, but whatever.

Blair stews and plays chess with Dorota on her dorm bed while she sweeps up, since she can't go to the party. "It's a Queen's job to protect her King! Chuck should be thanking me for making his club possible, not treating me like some useless pawn!" Dorota remembers fondly, for a moment, her lusty webisodes: "It's hard to love a powerful man," she notes, and Blair completely ignores it, even though she's being really weird. "You think I'm trustworthy, don't you, Dorota?" Dorota lies better than anybody on Earth, then calls out her next move -- Dorota plays mental chess, of course -- and Blair immediately cheats, which furrows Dorota's brow delightfully, and there's a knock at the door. "Tell those pathetic trick-or-treaters there's no prepackaged joy for them here," Blair screams, but it's a bouquet. They giggle together about Chuck, but of course it's not from Chuck. Whatever the note says, it makes Blair go deadly, and as Dorota scampers away with the offending bouquet, she screams, "Dress! Now!"