Serena finally realizes that Blair's not only being a bitch, but actively using her to get her shit accomplished, in a way that endangers not just her job but a lot of her clients, not to mention pretty much implies that she's a pointless moron; her eyes go that particular kind of dead they go when Blair does this. "I'm sorry, S, but Chuck's hotel needed this. Without your celebrities, we're buried in the City section. Now we're front page news!" Serena is horrified and asks why this, of all things, Blair would sabotage, and B lays down the final plank: "Remember when you chose Chuck? Now I did, too."

B shrugs, and Serena's face goes, Oh, you will pay, and she bounces. Blair is, of course, completely unaware -- and definitely not thinking about how Nate already fondled the trigger last week -- that she has just unleashed Dark Phoenix Serena, once again. Although at this point the regularity with which Dark Phoenix Serena is unleashed by stupid crap is something you could set your watch to. I mean, it's my favorite thing, and so much of it is about watching it unravel until she goes the full Jennifer's Body, but it does tend to happen on a schedule that, properly observed, would probably serve fairly well as a birth control method.

Rufus struts around and acts like the Ramones some more, and I... CAN'T TAKE IT. This scene is so revolting, I can't even... So Rufus at some point figured out that Vanya and Lily were just parading the same three little kids through their house in different costumes -- which is, BTW, fucking elaborate even for the massive infrastructure normally required to preserve Rufus's sense of self -- because he speaks Lithuanian, and Lily explains that she was merely patronizing the shit out of him like always, and he thanks her for that like always, and she plays with his Johnny wig in a very disturbing way while they talk about fucking, and then Rufus says something horny/stupid that would even embarrass Dan, about... Not worth it. Fuck it.

Olivia spills the truth about ~♥~RPATTZ~♥~ in a curtained niche, which is funny because it takes all those icons that got clasted when we talked about how those costar romances are fake, and sets them back up on their shelves, which is sort of amazing in another, slightly creepier way, and then Dan whines about some things, and Olivia explains basic shit to him some more, and ~♥~RPATTZ~♥~ was in a Bruce Jenner biopic which is probably the root of his career troubles -- and not the fact that he smells like pee -- and Olivia, who is a fast learner, heaps up sixty quarts of rose-scented BS about how great Dan is, and he's relieved, so he leans in to kiss her, but then Serena appears and whisks them both away to another hallway, tells them they can kiss now, and then throws open a curtain to reveal them to the paparazzi and screams, "Look everyone it's Olivia Burke kissing her boyfriend Dan Humphrey!"