At first I was confused as to why there even needs to be Perez on this show -- I've always liked the guy a lot even if his site is stupid, but what's the point -- until I realized that it's totally brilliant. Contrasting GG's relatively low-readership blog about the doings of teen socialites -- which in real life only super-creeps like me would actually scan daily for the latest PC Petersen dirt -- with something huge and kitchen-sinky like Perez is a great way to explain the clash of worlds that Olivia represents. Just thinking about that made me love this season more, because where those bubbles touch is where Serena's living now.

More specifically, in the office of KC, who grows more beautiful each scene while wearing stranger and stranger outfits and with hair growing more voluminous every time we see her. And KC is pissed because Olivia got snapped nicking those condoms, because apparently she's still officiously supposed to be be-bearded by ~♥~RPATTZ~♥~ -- but he's in Toronto, so they're obviously not going to be used with him. Serena takes it, like everything, in stride, but KC explains the poignant problem: Now that the Endless Knights trilogy is over, ~♥~RPATTZ~♥~ is in a holding pattern and his only claim to fame is fake-dating Olivia Burke. So basically he's like a penniless Rita Wilson.

"This obviously means you didn't take care of the Dan Humphrey situation like I asked you to," KC hisses, and Serena tries to stare her down: "It's not a situation. It's a relationship. They're very happy together." KC says that, since she's not in the business of couples counseling but in fact the business of keeping ~♥~RPATTZ~♥~ a commodity, that means less than a hill of beans. "Without Endless Knights, Patrick is on the road to Mark Hamillhood." Serena vaguely remembers who that is, proving KC's point, and KC makes a dumb joke about nails and coffins that we won't dignify, but Serena tells her boss in no uncertain terms that if she wants Serena's ex-boyfriend and current brother to stop dating his best friend's roommate, she'll have to do it herself. That is not Serena's business. "Olivia's trying to be a Real Girl and not taking my calls, so I suggest you make yourself useful. Unless, of course, you see yourself delivering James Franco's underwear for the rest of your life." That's a job? Is this even a serious question?