Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Raised On Robbery

"That's because no one thinks you're home! But this year I told them we'd be here! And they all seemed pretty excited about it! Except for that guy on six who never makes eye contact." Lily is just honestly confused by him at this point. "It's hard to tell what he's feeling," Rufus says about eye-contact guy, in such a sweetly dim matter-of-fact tone that it's pretty much adorable. He cocks his hand on his hip and leans way over on the desk, and they watch as Eric -- having showered post-yogurt -- comes wearily home, and as usual, the weight of the world is threatening the structural integrity of his tiny frame.

As though Constance or St. Jude's ever had a set schedule of any kind, Lily goes, "Oh, Eric my darling, are you sick?" (Why would you think that? Just because he's home in the middle of the day? Eric could just as easily be having cocktails at Butter, or yachting off Santorini, or thirty-five and divorced: We'd buy it. We have nothing left to stand on at this point.) But if he's not sick, then what? Did something happen? "Ask Jenny," he says mournfully and sort of pissed, and slumps away with some sad music. Lily takes one look at her husband, who is just resplendent in his cluelessness, and goes, um, "I'll handle this one." And Rufus nods! Like that's a decision they made together!

B's got pedicure ladies in her dorm room buffing Dorota's situation, which she hates, but B's in a mood. "Dorota, when I get you a gift, the least you can do is to enjoy it." Chuck knocks and enters, and Dorota runs to him like a fugee. "Oh, Mr. Chuck! My goodness! When you are mad at Miss Blair Dorota is very tired and has to have the foot bothering and never sees Vanya, or movies..." Blair shrieks at her and throws everybody out, because their bodies are between her and the giant gift Chuck is carrying. Dorota backs out of the room beaming at Chuck like a crazy person, and as usual he finds her completely awesome, and then they're alone. And by "they" I mean Blair and her gigantic present.

"Is it safe to assume this visit signals the end of my community service hours?" she asks, with what you might call a detached disinterest, and he apologizes. Now that everything's worked itself out, he thinks, he has time to let her in again, but of course he can't say it that way, so he just says he did, in fact, have to deal with some boy-kissing PTSD, because he knows she'll buy that, because after dating Nate Archibald and Chuck Bass for her entire life it's understandable that she'd find gay panic an attractive trait in her man. There's always that question mark.

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Gossip Girl

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