Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Raised On Robbery

Blair snatches that bitch out of his hands so fast there are little cartoon whoosh lines, and while she paws at it he formally invites her to the Gimlet opening. "It was never my intention to leave you out, I just needed to create it on my own," he explains, "As a legitimate businessman." (He can't yank on his necktie when he says "businessman" because he's wearing a vest, but you can sort of see his hand go for it.) He smiles at her adoringly as she opens the box, pulling out a gorgeous flapper dress with seed pearls, but her acquisitive grin falls the second she meets his eyes, and remembers what she did. "It's beautiful," she says, almost regretfully, and then the mask becomes her face again: "I love it!"

Serena tromps out to DUMBO, where Olivia is trying to get Dan to give up the dream of dressing as a gangster for the party, and stick to his musician roots: "You have no street cred!" she says, and he can't even muster an honest affront. "I'm offended! You know once, in the fourth grade, I had to miss recess because I purposely broke the rules of grammar?" He fires a plastic tommygun like he's darling, which he is, and Serena grins at them, but with a little bit of guilt in there. "I think Dan will look fine in whatever he wears," she says, and he cracks a joke about how she can't very well have zero opinion about a fashion choice. Dan, there's a difference between "fashion" and "clothes." You embody it.

Serena laughs, which very accommodating of her, and shifts into business mode: "Look, KC wants you guys to break up." Olivia's like, "Did she seriously send you here to do this because I wasn't answering her calls?" The energy between Olivia and Serena is very friendly and complicit, I like it a lot. Serena's like, "I obviously don't actually want you to break up, because Dan is even more insufferable when he's single, but I have a Wacky Serena Plan you might be interested in hearing about." The idea is that Olivia and ~♥~RPATTZ~♥~ will make nice on the red carpet for the cameras, and then Dan can sneak in the back after they're through the paparazzi gamut. Olivia's not loving this, because of the whole lie she told about them never having dated, but she agrees it's a good plan. Dan throws a stomper about it, and Olivia tells him to grow up, and he threatens to shoot them with his plastic tommygun, and then Serena clomps off in her work attire, which in this instance means satin hotpants with like suspenders, with a heaping helping of, shocker, exposed boobs.

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Gossip Girl




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