Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Raised On Robbery

By the way she looked I should've calmed down
I went too far/ Oh that's all I got to say

Chuck's thanking Albert onstage when Jonathan arrives outside; the handmaidens pile out from behind an SUV and nail his authentic costume with a bunch of eggs, before running off shouting and laughing. His face really does say it all.

I went too far/ Oh, I went too far

Some other rooty-tooty-jazzy-fruity song is playing when KC brings ~♥~RPATTZ~♥~ over to meet Serena, and he gets his disgusting horny slug juice all over her and slobbers on her hand, and he looks like he smells like pee, and KC agitates for Olivia to get the pictures over with, but where is she? Dancing in a corner with Dan. KC is just appalled. Dan and Olivia, meanwhile, are saying pointless shit and running around and ducking into booths and being grotesque, and duck out of sight just as Serena, chasing them, runs into Chuck's beautiful self, heading for the front door. "These gentlemen are here to close down my club," Chuck says impassively, and Serena gets intransitively scared, and KC's face finds yet another way to demonstrate that she's not impressed with a goddamn thing.

Oh my God, Peaches is still alive. How gross is that?

So yeah, it's that one Peaches song about how she fucked your grandpa with her penis or eats pubic hair salad or how she's secretly Har Mar Superstar or whatever art-fuck bullshit she's pulling these days -- You know, that one song that sounds like a car crash getting sodomized by an emetophiliac? Sounds just like every other Peaches song? Makes you hate Karen O slightly less? -- while the cops do all kinds of ridiculous stuff like tear down the fake liquor license and stare at it super hard, and box up every bottle of liquor, and things of this nature. Serena's like, "Chuck, why don't you talk to the police?" Chuck informs her -- with Blair standing next to him looking like a gangster's moll -- that he's the one that called them. B bounces up and down.

Maybe it's his big-shouldered suit, but I can't shake the image of Blair Waldorf as Harley Quinn in this episode. "I'll handle the paparazzi, Mista J!" Serena is confused, so Blair explains that once the license turned out fake, they psychically agreed that either Jack was going to the ABC, or they could "take control" and call the police to "blow up the party -- for a night that no one would ever forget!" Blair congratulates herself and her man, knowing full well that Serena's going to point out that they have fucked her in the process, but too excited to go there without first yelling, "See, S? We belong together!"

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Gossip Girl




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