Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Raised On Robbery

Like for example Olivia and Dan, who has slipped instantly into the acceptance stage of being a corporate whore -- "I can handle being in the She's Dating Him? page of In Touch if you can handle not having a fake boyfriend" -- and they act repulsive about fucking for awhile, and they talk once again about how the levitation was a special effect... Or was it? Only one way to find out: Rawdoggin'.

One of the minions is apparently named Sawyer, which is cool. She texts Jenny: "Operation Dillinger: Scrambled. He almost cried!" Whoever Sawyer is, she's now my favorite handmaiden. Jenny's sort of grossed out but not losing sleep over it, and then Eric takes off without a word the second she gets to the PRADA kitchen. She follows him and asks, unnecessarily, "So I guess that means you heard about Jonathan." I love that they talk like teenagers. He's like, duh, and she says how she wanted to call it off when they were sitting together, but she was too worried about the possibility of "full-blown rebellion." Eric points out that she could've warned Jonathan, but she just smiles a scared smile and tries to put it off: "Come on, everyone gets egged on Halloween..." Eric points out that she didn't get egged this year, and Jenny asks him please to remember that she has to act like a total beast about school stuff. "But I'm still your friend, I'm still your sister. We just can't let the worlds get confused." It's sad. Eric is mostly just grossed out at this point, and assures her -- as he constantly does with these people -- that he's not confused at all: "I want nothing to do with you in either world." He pads off into his bedroom and shuts the door firmly, and Jenny is like, Oh, hell..

Serena's breasts come undulating down the street to apologize to KC about getting her purse locked in the club -- "and the police showing up, and Dan and Olivia kissing..." -- and KC tells her she did fine. "You got my clients photographed at the hottest party of the year, Patrick got more attention than he's had since Olivia dumped him... As long as you get my purse back, your job is safe." I love the idea that finally getting approval for doing something, anything at all is Serena's secret switch. Like of course now she can slide into straight-up evil, because she finally got praise for something other than Being Serena van der Woodsen. "And Serena? That job now includes publicly dating Patrick." Serena honks about how that's not work, besides the pee smell, and KC's like, "Get back to me after date two." Honey, it's Serena. She'll have him sold into white slavery or in a bathtub of ice with no kidneys well before date two.

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Gossip Girl

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