Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Raised On Robbery

More specifically, in the office of KC, who grows more beautiful each scene while wearing stranger and stranger outfits and with hair growing more voluminous every time we see her. And KC is pissed because Olivia got snapped nicking those condoms, because apparently she's still officiously supposed to be be-bearded by ~♥~RPATTZ~♥~ -- but he's in Toronto, so they're obviously not going to be used with him. Serena takes it, like everything, in stride, but KC explains the poignant problem: Now that the Endless Knights trilogy is over, ~♥~RPATTZ~♥~ is in a holding pattern and his only claim to fame is fake-dating Olivia Burke. So basically he's like a penniless Rita Wilson.

"This obviously means you didn't take care of the Dan Humphrey situation like I asked you to," KC hisses, and Serena tries to stare her down: "It's not a situation. It's a relationship. They're very happy together." KC says that, since she's not in the business of couples counseling but in fact the business of keeping ~♥~RPATTZ~♥~ a commodity, that means less than a hill of beans. "Without Endless Knights, Patrick is on the road to Mark Hamillhood." Serena vaguely remembers who that is, proving KC's point, and KC makes a dumb joke about nails and coffins that we won't dignify, but Serena tells her boss in no uncertain terms that if she wants Serena's ex-boyfriend and current brother to stop dating his best friend's roommate, she'll have to do it herself. That is not Serena's business. "Olivia's trying to be a Real Girl and not taking my calls, so I suggest you make yourself useful. Unless, of course, you see yourself delivering James Franco's underwear for the rest of your life." That's a job? Is this even a serious question?

On the way to the Met, Eric mentions gingerly that Rufus was asking his size this morning, and wonders if that means he's going to have to start wearing flannel. The whole insidious Lily/Jenny thing with the clothes at the beginning and end seemed to throw a lot of people off, but this is another iteration of it: If Jenny's turning into the Serena Lily never had, does that mean Eric is going to take over as Rufus's son?

Jenny laughs and says it's a Halloween thing, which of course Rufus loves more than Christmas or even his birthday. So, she explains, they have to find a party to go to, so he won't make them dress up like the Octobabies and hand out candy. "Uh, speaking of creepy social anomalies," Eric interrupts, pointing at Jenny's minions. Who are fighting about how perfectly presented her morning yogurt is going to be. Eric, gagging on the horror, bounces -- "You look Queentastic" -- and Jenny sighs and tries valiantly to pretend she's not totally loving this. The girls crawl all over each other like dachshunds and Jenny goes, "Are there skins on these almonds? Fix it, and in a timely fashion. Otherwise you're all going as The Real Housewives Of New Jersey for Halloween!" The Constance girls scamper, just in time to miss Jonathan and Eric sitting down at the top of the steps.

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Gossip Girl

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