Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Raised On Robbery

While Serena puts together goodie bags for something, Blair's all over her off-label club opening for the Empire, including the less masculine Ronson sibling and the mixologist from Milk & Honey. Whose house rules -- No name-dropping, no star fucking. No hooting, hollering, shouting or other loud behavior. No fighting, play fighting, no talking about fighting. Gentlemen will remove their hats. Hooks are provided. Gentlemen will not introduce themselves to ladies. Ladies, feel free to start a conversation or ask the bartender to introduce you. If a man you don't know speaks to you, please lift your chin slightly and ignore him. Do not linger outside the front door. Do not bring anyone unless you would leave that person alone in your home. You are responsible for the behavior of your guests. Exit the bar briskly and silently. People are trying to sleep across the street. Please make all your travel plans and say all farewells before leaving the bar. -- are for me what Endless Knights is for Nate Archibald.

Serena doublechecks that Blair is acting insane and against Chuck's express wishes, which she is, and Blair explains that Chuck's opinion about his billion-dollar business venture is not material. "That will change, just like it always does, when he sees my plans!" Serena cautions Blair, tossing in a random and awkward reference to how she pissed off Carter by trying to help him, and B is awesome, just sniffs a gift bag and starts going through all of the shit. Which is exactly what you would do. As though Blair -- or anybody, because let's be honest, if I can't look at him I don't wanna hear about him -- cares, Serena continues her Carter monologue: "The good news is KC's yelling at me all the time, and I don't have time to think about it..." NOBODY DOES, LADY.

But no, it's Chuck calling Serena and making sure Blair's not there, which is always a sign of bloodshed to come, so B pretends she's not there and he ends up on speakerphone, so B gets to be well-chuffed and quiet when he tells S he's worried about the Empire, and wants to do everything without the help of Lily or Bass Industries. Serena's excited and proud to be called upon to act as his publicist, and offers to call Condé Nast and TabletHotels, but he's like, no, I need to open the club tomorrow. Which is Halloween. B slugs S in the arm, because she's right, and S laughs at them both, and just before she hangs up, Chuck goes, "And Serena, I don't want Blair anywhere near this." Again: Wise.

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Gossip Girl

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