Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Raised On Robbery

I don't even have to tell you what happens with Blair's face, but Serena's situation is more interesting here, because he just put her in the worst position and didn't even know it. She's clinging to Publicist Serena as hard as Queen B is clinging to NYU and just as hard as Chuck is to his Empire, and all for the same reason: Because the crazy that you go in freshman year is second only to the crazy you go when you graduate. So Chuck, who is in the Grownup Club lead for now, is inviting Serena to play dress-up with him, explicitly defining that alliance against their mutual love for Blair. Which would fuck Serena up anyway because that's how she rolls, but is super fucked up because B was standing right there when he did it.

So while Serena's being totally awkward with Blair and looking ten times as tall as usual to accommodate the gawkiness, and marble-mouthing about how apparently Chuck is still angry -- which isn't the problem, but she only has Blair's hyperactive self-obsessed filter to interpret Chuck's motivations in the wake of the Big Gay Peck Without Any Tongue At All -- Chuck's over at the Empire club in question, Gimlet, finally wearing a purplish outfit, with the first guy he ever kissed.

Nate's wearing an awesome dark blue hoodie and spreading yet more discontent while lots of Empire guys run around stocking the bar, including Horace from the Brooklyn Inn storyline ten thousand years ago -- the only black guy ever on this show, so you probably remember him, but he was the Vanessa Project that led to them hooking up for five seconds -- and playing straight man for Chuck's dialogue about how no flimflam or dibbity-doo, he's honestly going to make an honest run at having an honest business this time. Horace gives his eighteen-year-old bar owner-boss a "Moonshine Martini" in the middle of the day, and they repeat verbatim Chuck's conversation with Serena about how speakeasies are both timeless and timely. "

A place to escape the modern world and violate its rules... Legally, of course." I'm glad that makes sense to Chuck, because that sounds like nonsense to me in every single way. Nate's like, "I don't even know what you're talking about, but why isn't Blair here? Does she hate you? Is she being a total bitch? Shouldn't you just dump her and die alone?" Chuck says that he's not fighting with B -- "a fight implies time and energy" -- but has learned once again to go for detached distrust, because she can't be trusted. Nate loves this almost as much as watching Ren Faire vampires doing it.

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Gossip Girl




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