Jane Bettinger is an old friend of Diana Payne's. Now that Lily has limped up the stairs at PRADA and only comes down for champagne at odd hours, we only have two women of any substance on this entire show, so it's good that they know each other, that could provide some interesting... Oh, you say it's only for this episode and scarcely matters or makes sense? I guess that's fine too.
Jane, verbatim: "Serena's my latest find. A month ago, her job was getting my director three shots over ice. Now I've got her optioning best sellers for me. I'm going to go get a tart cherry juice and call David O. Russell."
Serena points out how ridiculous this show is now: "It's such a small world! My good friend Nate Archibald actually works for you. And my cousin, Charlie Rhodes."
Diana says they've both been "instrumental" in helping her "rebrand" the Spectator, but we're just never going to find out how that is possible, given that they are both unemployable and seem mainly to spend their time in the office staring at things with gigantic eyeballs. She invites Serena to the Spectator launch party, and Serena says she can't attend for some reason, even though obviously it is the big party at the end of the episode.
Diana's Idea of a Segue: "Oh, but you should come to this party! Or else have a blog."
Serena: "I could never blog for a website about my details, because Gossip Girl already does that and it makes me feel weird about ... the Internet. Or something."
Diana: "See but if you were on the Internet talking about yourself, people would find that interesting -- I'm guessing -- because they already take passionate interest in somebody else talking about the details of your banal life."
Serena: "I don't get it still."
Diana: "Are you fuckin'... What's confusing you about this? Blogging. For a website. Do you not know what one or both of those words means?"
Serena: "Sorry, I could never take part in something like that."
Diana: "...Wait, what? Something like what?"
Serena: "Reading. Writing. I could never take part in something like that."
Diana: "Well, at least come to this party I already invited you to three times."
Minions returning: Kati and Penelope from Constance; Jessica, the overachieving blonde one from Columbia; oh, and that's it. Jessica kisses her some ass -- "Do yourself a favor and stop talking right now; even Pippa knew when to pipe down," Blair hisses -- and we revisit Nelly Yuki. Nelly Yuki, who apparently the whole punchline is her name because one time that was true. Nelly Yuki, who was never a minion and thus shouldn't be part of this conversation. Nelly Yuki, who got into Yale when Blair didn't, and obviously wouldn't be on this list. But hey, here's Cousin Peepers wandering into the house, cousin of the maid of honor and obviously a perfect replacement for Nelly Yuki in this contest.