Gossip Girl
I Am Number Nine

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
This Is My Idea Of Fun

Serena: "Let us hire an A-list writer, like an Akiva Goldsman, somebody who Jane can't bully, somebody who gets great movies made and who will honor your book faithfully."
Dan: "You really think you could get someone like him to write it?"

I mean, that's either some slicing fucking satire about what is actually valued in Hollywood, or written from inside the Matrix -- as in, this show is written by people with those fucked up artistic values -- and I have no idea which, but if it's the latter that makes this season make a lot more sense.

Points against that being a joke, because they are relatively well-received despite being maybe tacky in some very Hollywood ways: Cinderella Man, A Beautiful Mind, The Client, A Time to Kill.

Maybe they just worship money that much on this show: Da Vinci Code, Angels & Demons, I Am Legend.

Surely you are joking: I, Robot, Lost In Space, Batman Forever, Batman & Robin.

No comment: Practical Magic.

I realize that it's hard trying to reconcile the first three seasons of this show with what's come after, because the people behind the scenes have changed a lot and the entire narrative DNA has changed a whole lot, it's pretty much an entirely different show that happens to look the same in some ways, many ways. And shit like that tends to drive certain kinds of fans -- shippers, pretend-feminists, gif-makers and fan-ficcers and Tumblr-collagers, the spoiler-readers -- absolutely bonkers, because they think the characters are real and relate emotionally to the show on such a profoundly personal level that it doesn't really matter that they aren't.

But I submit to you that it has driven me bonkers in an entirely other way, because the Akiva bullet came out of nowhere and it sort of rearranged my entire mindset about this show, to be honest. I kind of wondered if it were getting bad, but I had no idea it was getting that bad. Which makes this job, pardon me, a lot easier and more fun to do.


Nate whines at Diana about how she's dating Gessen, and somehow Diana gets mad at Ivy about it for the reason that she didn't know Nate was going to end up at his office and find out that information. But hey, here's a fuckin' brainwave: If he's your date, do you really need to hand-deliver an invitation? Anyway, they have the same exact conversation as before, but slightly shorter maybe.

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Gossip Girl




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