Queller is upset that Blair has elected herself Chuck's counsel in the hash hearing, and Blair tries to explain for the fiftieth time that she's all he's got. She mentions "Mrs. Bass" being indisposed with grief and the insensate pile of dunzo that is Chuck corrects her that, as a widow, her name reverts to "van der Woodsen," which isn't technically absolutely true, but whatevs, it's her call -- not that Rufus will ever understand that either -- and just as B is making a fairly excellent case for her place as his guardian, Uncle Jackbass walks in all, "Hey like my name is Jack and I'm so hot you won't even notice that I am slowly turning this child over a spit with an apple in his mouth" and Queller is, as anyone would be, momentarily subdued.
I have to say I doubted to the 2/5 that Quinn could rock a Bass role, being so central and the rapey/adorable ratio being so important, but man. I sure do like this Jackbass, even knowing cryptically that he will be "the most hated character ever on this show," which: to be hated more than Vanessa by me personally you have to either be a TA at Yale or Aaron Rose's ex, and he's neither AS FAR AS WE KNOW, so I'm going to say he's awesome. Even as he tries to actually murder Chuck Bass, I find it cute, like when a kitten hisses and makes its back all important, you're still like: "And yet I would eat you with a tiny little spoon." Plus what's creepier than real-life Dexter marrying his show-sister, which he just did? Certainly not this vision of J. Peterman before us.
And the most awesome part of this is that he plays it EXACTLY like if you added ten years to Chuck in Real Life as of this second, the Chuck we love and the Charles Lily loves. The way he laughs at everything, charming you and asking for a loan like some wonderful Dostoyevsky dickhead. I hope for more usually but Chuck is such a self-destructive headcase that I can honestly say he grows into this Jack, no matter what Jack turns into. He's the perfect uncle. Anyway, C would agree: he wakes up enough at the conference table to notice Uncle Jack, and flows toward him like water. This delights Jack, who asks if Chuck has lost sight of the two-day journey they just took together, from den of iniquity to rickshaw to plane to et cetera. They both brush it off because they are both awesome and transmitting from the same awesome zip code.
Chuck clarifies for Queller -- who's been established as the head for Constance and not St. Judes but again, it's this show so fuck it -- that he wasn't smoking the MJ, but hash ("I find it gives a softer high"). She's appropriately horrified but not really, and then B hushes the shit out of Jackbass and gives an awesome speech like so: "I think we can all agree that Charles has been through an ordeal. He's clearly out of his right mind and can't be held responsible for his actions. It's temporary insanity." This is (and I've giving clemency to "out of his right mind" when "not in his" same would have been much better writing) the awesomest awesomest part, if you [see list above]: "Headmistress, no court of law could find him guilty of a crime. How can we?"