Gossip Girl
In The Realm Of The Basses

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Where In The Hell Is Chuck Bass? San Diego?

Serena shows up Chez Waldorf, where the new and improved emotionless Blair is like A) Chuck who? And B) get out of here before the Colony Club sees your ubiquitous boobs. Serena points out that Chuck has nobody except them, specifically Blair since Nate and Vanessa are MIA this week, and they can't just let him fester, and B explains that all of her bullshitty scary activities are about building a life for herself, while all of Chuck's are about destroying all lives, so basically Colony Club Bitches are the new Marcus, and Serena's like, "Have you not been watching this show? We don't care about that," but B can't be helped; she ushers S out and welcomes the ladies, her new compatriots, the cougars of the Colony Club.

At Victrola there is such a party, all dancing ladies and drunken tweens, and Dan appears off the Rufus tip and Chuck bitches about the hoi polloi and admits he was planning on keeping the secret because he loves Lily but there was that whole thing where Dan the highschooler magically "buried" the New York story about Bart so now they're even, and explains about Pilot Inspektor, and then points at Serena who has just shown up and is looking for Chuck because B is indisposed and she loves them both. And while it's hilarious that Serena is so intent about "looking" for Chuck that at one point she looks up at the ceiling like maybe he's directly above her head, while missing Chuck and Dan standing about a yard directly in front of her, and while it is also funny that she's about four feet taller than everybody else there, the more interesting part is, as usual, the song that's playing: "May Day" by UNKLE: "I hear that/ You float It's a bit screwed/ But you can't catch my love The stars are descending/ The stars are descending I hear that/ You float It's a bit screwed/ But you can't catch my love..."

Dorota's standing by as Blair has tea with the Colony Club, trying desperately to prove her public works bona fides: " I frequently feed the ducks in Central Park..." -- Of course they are not moved -- "...And read to blind children?" They practically applaud, but immediately swing into a whole thing about how A) Serena van der Woodsen who was just leaving is a total whore and you can see her boobs on Page Six, and Blair hatefully and pathetically is all, "I don't... Can't approve of how she lives her life." They hum encouragingly and talk mad shit about Bart who is dead, and Chuck who is losing it, and finally she just snaps, calls them all essentially high school bullshitting bitches, points out that Serena and Lily are amazing and Chuck's inventing new ways of needing her help and being wonderful, and takes off with a conspiratorial "I am finally being a person" wink at Dorota, who smiles at them like butter wouldn't melt in her hot Polish mouth and wordlessly indicates they can fuck off. It's beautiful.

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