P: ok sure lol
J: orly that was ez
P: nelly yuki yogurt on my shoe!!!!
N: here i come
I: use yr finger bitch lol
J: civil rights! nelly yuki we out
J: STFU nelly yuki
H: then this is war
J: I know lol high school is dumb
* (Oblig.: "But I can't help it if I have a wide-set vagina and a heavy flow!")
P: hazel clean my shoe pls
H: ru kidding lol
Chuck lights a big old hash joint right there in the shared courtyard and B comes running up, freaking out about his horrible roué behavior and general air of dunzo. "What are you even doing here? You should be passed out. Or hooked up to an IV." Chuck says his intention was to make it to "the first day [back] of school," although since we were just at Pinkberry I guess it's post-lunch? Who the eff eats lunch at Pinkberry? Bitches, apparently. B sort of half-assedly reminds him to tell her he loves her, thinking that'll drag him back like it did last week, but he pretends he doesn't know what she's talking about, so she grabs his face and stares into his eyes, and only because it's A) this show and only because B) it's Leighton Meester and only because C) it's Blair Fucking Waldorf and only because it's D) Blair/Chuck is this okay, but her face changes from annoyance/disgust into sadness/frustration into desperation and then fear and then heartbreaking terror: "Who are you?"
I mean, try to explain why that's awesome and tummy-upsetting, instead of hilarious, to somebody who's never seen the show. You cannot do it. It's totally stupid and hilarious and Dynasty/lawn furniture Marissa (which would have been fine too) except for all that stuff heretofore enumerated, so instead it's just like this bizarro reality check that we really need to pull it together and pay attention to what's going on with Chuck for real. So off her "who are you" line, Queller appears and screams, "Chuck Bass!" (Nope, not at the moment; whatever Charlie grew up to be is more like it.) "Please tell me that's not what I think it is!" B is like oh hell, but I mean, it's Chuck: don't ask that, because it's not like he is going to ever allay your fears. Even if it wasn't hash, he would lie and say it was, and if you thought it was hash, he would pretend it's something worse, because whatever you think it is, he's taken steps to ensure that it's worse.
But no wait, because it's not Chuck. The burlesque is over. He's not performing for anybody because he's got nobody to perform for. It's so hard to remember this is Chuck in Real Life: he's smoking hash because he wants some fucking hash. He's at school because he sort of misses it, and got bored. He's there late because he couldn't get it together enough to get there on time. That's the only reason. He wanted to try, he wanted to take his parts and make a boy, and he wasn't up to it. Just like her.