Rufus! Has misplaced the Polaroid film he thought he had! Dan's upset because he promised S he'd get it, and if he screws up she'll kill -- not Assassinate -- him. Rufus fixes it, and then asks why Lonelyboy's in such a mood. "Is it because Serena never threw you a surprise party? Because you hate surprises." (Yes, a little, but moving on...) It's about the script. Which, we already know how that's going to go, and it's dumb, but not so dumb that we don't have time for some stupid Rufus Advice.

Dan opines as to how "in relationships, there's such a thing as too much honesty," like for example Dan made the right call in never telling S how much he hated her whorish outfits. (But you did, Dan. You did.) "Telling a woman you like her clothes is not lying. It's self-preservation!" Men are like this, you see, while women are like that! Clothes! Appearance insecurity! Rufus has got it figured out. Dan says there's "such a thing as spin" and Rufus spins up some homespun apron advice: "A half-truth is a whole lie, son. In my experience, it causes the same amount of problems down the line. Especially with the ladies!" So this is where the Humphreys get their allergy to subtlety or tact. I mean, we knew that, but "a half-truth is a whole lie"? Especially with the ladies! They don't get it!

Nate explains that S has "some toad gala at the Frick" planned, making it sound even worse this time, and then whines at length about how S has forgotten his birthday. As much as surprise parties are fun and Assassin is fun, you have to remember this is Nate we're dealing with. He thinks little people live in his TV. Jenny is like, "Your birthday disappointment is so relatable to me, due to my NEAR RAPE." Nate snaps back into Hero position, and they talk about how they are besties, and then Jenny says immortally, "Did I mention that public embarrassment is a part of the Humphrey birthday tradition?" Or everyday Humphrey life? That it is, in fact, the seed from which they were birthed?

Giant parfait, dorky birthday singing, Jenny's toothy grin hoping he gets a sugar high such that she can mount him and then I guess pull the sexual trauma card if he gets uppity about it. And even still, even after all this sick shit she's pulling, we're going to be hearing about the Time Chuck Didn't Rape Anybody until the end of eternity, because nothing makes us feel better about ourselves than getting self-righteous about fictional characters' non-misdeeds.