Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
All You Need Is Kill

So Jack is like, "Just kidding! Rape is about power, not sex! I would only rape Lily Bass because she took my company via Chuck!" And Blair's like, "If I'm not here for sex, then what?" And Jack says, "It's not you I'm fucking, it's your boyfriend! Who is fucking you by having you fake-fuck me and getting fucked in a whole other way! See, you're a whore, right? And Chuck is disgusting. So all I had to do was ask him for you, and he totally gave you up, including all your luxurious emotional PIN goodness, and now I'm reaping -- nbut not nreaping! -- the benefits. Kiss me or don't, but your boyfriend is a motherless shithole. Wanna fuck?" And again, it's a testament to his ability to turn it on and off that I was like, "Um, without question? Are you serious? He has never once been this hot, or this nasty, or this overcoming of his face and in this case goatee. I don't, not to be rude, but I don't see how this is even a question. Have you seen his sick gleeful capering as he says this shit? Dealmaker. Shut it down."

In the elevator Nate's still processing Jenny's attack on his face, and she kind of walks him through how it's not a big deal, with even more teen-girl eye-rolling than usual, and Nate's just kind of horrified by both versions of her right now, and so just to plunk it down and pull the classic Jenny move -- erasing whatever dipshit thing she just did in favor of pretending everything is okay -- she's like, "Look, at least I can have fun again after not getting raped!" Nate begins to wonder if maybe Jenny is a psycho, but the idea that anybody would play creepy internal brain-games like that is so repugnant that he just files it in the Hudson Hero file where like the 90% of all human behavior that blows Nate's mind is inevitably filed. That, or he creates a sad narrative that may be closer to the truth in which Jenny's ongoing issues with sex are creating mad acting-out and she's going to end up on the pole. Which just the idea of scary creepy Gothic Little J doing a striptease is sort of a mind-flaying concept, but just weird enough that I hope we see it one day.

Eric is none too impressed when Jenny, for the fifth time today, strolls in with Nate on her arm and once again addresses the world at large with her winning stack of deaths. S, on the other hand, can't wait to be all sweetie-pie and embrace Jenny before running over to Nate and palling around. Eric watches this whole interplay and I think honestly wonders if Jenny got what she was going after, which if true would put him right in the middle of two hurricanes that always freak him out.

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Gossip Girl




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