Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Blue Valentines

The latest ridiculous W online scheme is to do a blog feature called Bright Young Thing where they follow an It Girl around town, filming her and watching her do not much of anything and spend a lot of money in crazy outfits. Of course they want Serena for this feature, and because B knows better than to get the chocolate of her employment anywhere hear the peanut butter of S's boobs of destruction, she suggests trailing Raina instead. That way, she can have her Valentine's Day with Chuck in the creepiest way possible, while also pretending to work so she doesn't have to deal with the matted-hair loneliness of Serena van der Woodsen, the girl who has completely given up on everything and just wanders the Waldorf house irritating Dorota with constant questions about basic shit like Why Do Stars Sparkle, or, When Was The Last Time I Brushed My Hair.

(A: Atmospheric gasses; B: Santorini.)

Since Serena doesn't know Raina from shit and only has interacted with her on the frequent occasions of her destroying social events in Raina's presence, of course Blair would like Serena to make this request. Otherwise, I guess, it would be too obvious that Blair is being a supercreep about Raina's Chuck relations. To make it even more ridiculous, of course, Raina is brunching in Lily's House of Horrors, so the one place where S has sworn never to go is the place where B needs her to be. But this is Serena, I mean, it's possible she would just end up there anyway while wandering the streets, catching pigeons and naming them, feeding them bits of trash. Oh, and her courseload, naturally, because college is sometimes a huge priority.

Lily and Russell are bitches to each other for awhile, but seem to be enjoying themselves. Eventually Raina pokes Chuck in the back and he activates, throwing around a bunch of unctuous Bass charm and suggesting a bizarre scheme to Russell where he will throw this lavish, expensive party, invite absolutely nobody, and it'll be out of town, and with no notice. And the pure magnetism and social cachet of Chuck will cause this party to randomly be super full and amazing -- trust -- and what will the theme be? Well, it's Chuck. The theme is Whores.

Everybody agrees to this invisible party idea, although clearly Russell is doing some horrible mind tricks on them, and then Serena shows up and instead of asking Raina to do this thing for W, she goes, "Hey, will you talk to Blair on my phone?" So really, B could have just called her anyway. But at least Serena gets to spit in her mother's eye some more and grind her heel into everybody's feet and generally act insane for awhile. She gets Chuck alone for a second and feels him out -- since it's to be assumed that his connection to Raina is fake -- but then looks like she's having a stroke when she realizes Chuck is crazy in love with Raina, thanks to their magical conversation about hiding in hotel kitchens like a psycho goblin.

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Gossip Girl




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