Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Blue Valentines

Serena agrees to a short filmed interview, but doesn't seem too happy about it. I just can't believe that the Where's Waldo of the Upper East Side managed to find her way to a party that doesn't even exist. That's so Serena. The only places she knows how to be are the places you can't find.

Lily bitches at Russell some more, because he's in the way of her finding Charles and talking him out of siding with the enemy, and Russell's like, "Probably off being in love with my daughter, loser." Lily just straight up goes, "What I think is that whatever it is you're up to appears to be working, and my son should know that. Excuse me." Well done.

If you care, and you don't, the Captain is also at this party so that he can hand in his resignation from Thorpe and thus show some kind of allegiance to his son and his son's high school boyfriend, with whom they both live.

If you care, and marginally so you probably do care more, Chuck has built an entire room around a Whores of Venice theme for Raina where she can have her favorite food from her favorite Venice bar on this holiest of all love nights. "When I care about someone, I'm not afraid to show it," he says, and she smiles. "When I think a thing, I say it, because I am always honest and you always know where I stand. I'm just built that way."

Outside the lovers' nest, Daniel is staring at them yearning for something he can't speak aloud, and then Lily shows up and asks him where Charles is, and he points weakly at the door, which is closing on their passion, and then doubles over with a pain so deep and intense it could only be assuaged by Ben showing up at this party and having a big dumb fight with Serena van der Woodsen and then hobbling back to DUMBO in need of a drinking buddy and a firm shoulder to cry on.

Serena's answers to the interview questions: Mystique, maybe. The Louboutin Biancas she wears.

And then also, who is her Valentine? Blair helpfully swings the camera around to show Ben Donovan working as a cater waiter -- "Don't be embarrassed, S. It's okay to date below the line. Madonna and Julia Roberts paved the way for girls like you!" -- and then everybody yells at everybody else because everybody lies to everybody else. Ben thought Serena was staying home, Serena thought Ben was working a case with the SVU, Blair thought S was helping with the Raina situation, and Raina thought B was honest about helping her relationship with Chuck. Ben runs away because he's ashamed that S put lying words in his mouth, and Serena just stares blankly trying to figure out why the field hockey stick of Blair Waldorf has once again struck her on the buttocks.

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Gossip Girl




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