Unbeknownst to Lily, Rufus offers Ivy a do-over on their contretemps, but then Lily goes behind Ivy's back to screw her out of everything. Rufus actually notices, for once, goes into a Humphrey huff that's actually well-earned, and by episode's end Ivy is broke and homeless, Lily is back home in PRADA... And Rufus is still in Brooklyn.
Blair's resistant to sign her divorce papers -- her princesshood being one more thing to mourn, as she notes later -- but when Dan goes to Nate for advice, he learns that Chuck actually paid off Blair's dowry, and Georgina had nothing to do with it. Assuming her reticence is related, Dan accidentally tells Blair what Chuck has done, which puts a much different spin on her harsh words to him when he visits her about his mother storyline. In the end, there are apologies all around, but the real upshot is that Dan and Blair can finally go public.
Serena, having decided to anoint Lola the new It Girl with her Gossip Girl powers, suffers a surprising recoil when Lola uses their relationship to leverage herself Natewise against the returning Diana Payne. Confronted with the non-hypothetical possibility of losing the spotlight forever, Serena opts to tempt GG 1.0 by holding onto that laptop just a little while longer, the better to wage new war against her cousin and frenemy.
So all in all, a few big reveals and some juicy twists. While the payoffs are a little contrived -- Nate's secret plan with Lola to discredit Diana ends in a kiddie porn stalemate and handshakes all around; Dan's panacea for Blair's princess panic is a ludicrously low-budget restaging of the Met Steps Monarchy -- the pieces continue moving into more and more delightful positions for the season's final movement. Blair's royalty retcon has never felt so organic, Lily's inconsistent behavior makes a lot more sense now that CeCe is dead, and of course there's nothing I like better than watching Serena go from passive-aggressive to aggressive-aggressive, even though it's always sound and fury by the end.
Meanwhile, all three of the players in the D/B/C triangle have never looked so lovely -- or so comfortable; Meester continues to be a joy to watch -- and there's a newfound feeling of consequences that lend the nonstop suds a bit more of that gravity it's been missing. Even without Ivy's ten steaming miles of mess this week, Lola more than makes up for it as her character -- and its Venn Diagram relationship to Jenny, Vanessa and Serena herself -- becomes more and more clearly delineated. All in all, a sharp hour for a show that's spent this winter half moving back into some smart, even sometimes moving, territory.
Ivy's funds have been frozen after her latest showdown with Lily, and Lola chose Serena over Ivy as the better of her well-meaning stalkers. Serena got bitched out by both Nate and Gossip Girl 1.0 by screwing up three important deals at once. Jack Bass accidentally revealed a new relative for Chuck and brought a cougar back into Nate's life, while Blair and Dan finally achieved liftoff ... with Georgina still out there somewhere, trying to get B safely divorced.
Blair: "My divorce papers! That Georgina Sparks sure works fast. Sometimes."
Dorota: "Hand them over, and my transmutation from irritating side character to irritating plot contrivance is complete! Consider me the new version of that one drawer in your vanity."
Blair: "If nothing else, I think Russell Thorpe and Bass Industries have proven nothing is more thrilling than a storyline about paperwork."
Lily: "That is the best news I've had all season."
Serena: "Tip about me, delete. Tip about me, delete. Tip about somebody else, maybe."
GG 1.0: "I wouldn't be too smug. Give me back my shit by EOB, or I'll threaten you some more."
Serena: "Okay, I'll give you back Gossip Girl in a second. I have just one more thing to do."
GG 1.0: "Does it involve fucking everything up for everybody?"
Serena: "You know me too well."
GG 1.0: "Then by all means, have at it."
Chuck is wearing... A thing which is literally unbelievable. A tight, red tracksuit that would not be out of place on Suburgatory and looks so soft one might considering simply burying one's face in it forever.
Chuck: "I wonder if Elizabeth Fischer, my old crazy fake mom, would be interested in a hospital wing."
Nate: "In apparently unrelated news, Diana Payne is coming back to town."
Chuck: "Aren't you worried that Lola will bitch about it? Being that Lola constantly bitches about everything, I mean."
Nate: "I'm sure it will be fine. Lola has never heard of the Internet, remember? How that's the only way the entire Charlie Rhodes storyline makes even a tiny bit of sense?"
Chuck: "I'm reminded of a sleazy sexual encounter I once had. It ended poorly."
Nate: "After my meeting with Diana, I'll know better how to proceed with regard to Lola."
Chuck: "Then here's hoping she doesn't find out about the Internet in the next two hours, eh?"