Ivy's funds have been frozen after her latest showdown with Lily, and Lola chose Serena over Ivy as the better of her well-meaning stalkers. Serena got bitched out by both Nate and Gossip Girl 1.0 by screwing up three important deals at once. Jack Bass accidentally revealed a new relative for Chuck and brought a cougar back into Nate's life, while Blair and Dan finally achieved liftoff ... with Georgina still out there somewhere, trying to get B safely divorced.
Blair: "My divorce papers! That Georgina Sparks sure works fast. Sometimes."
Dorota: "Hand them over, and my transmutation from irritating side character to irritating plot contrivance is complete! Consider me the new version of that one drawer in your vanity."
Blair: "If nothing else, I think Russell Thorpe and Bass Industries have proven nothing is more thrilling than a storyline about paperwork."
Lily: "That is the best news I've had all season."
Serena: "Tip about me, delete. Tip about me, delete. Tip about somebody else, maybe."
GG 1.0: "I wouldn't be too smug. Give me back my shit by EOB, or I'll threaten you some more."
Serena: "Okay, I'll give you back Gossip Girl in a second. I have just one more thing to do."
GG 1.0: "Does it involve fucking everything up for everybody?"
Serena: "You know me too well."
GG 1.0: "Then by all means, have at it."
Chuck is wearing... A thing which is literally unbelievable. A tight, red tracksuit that would not be out of place on Suburgatory and looks so soft one might considering simply burying one's face in it forever.
Chuck: "I wonder if Elizabeth Fischer, my old crazy fake mom, would be interested in a hospital wing."
Nate: "In apparently unrelated news, Diana Payne is coming back to town."
Chuck: "Aren't you worried that Lola will bitch about it? Being that Lola constantly bitches about everything, I mean."
Nate: "I'm sure it will be fine. Lola has never heard of the Internet, remember? How that's the only way the entire Charlie Rhodes storyline makes even a tiny bit of sense?"
Chuck: "I'm reminded of a sleazy sexual encounter I once had. It ended poorly."
Nate: "After my meeting with Diana, I'll know better how to proceed with regard to Lola."
Chuck: "Then here's hoping she doesn't find out about the Internet in the next two hours, eh?"