Kiki Employee: "I can't believe you're not going Dark Phoenix right now. You're at like a 6."
Serena: "I'm saving it for when I realize she's my sister and she starts getting the attention from our father that I so crippingly covet."
Kiki Employee: "What are you thinking for this time when you act out?"
Serena: "I'm gonna steal a horse and a boat, and then the horse will pull the boat down Madison Ave at lunchtime, and I will have my tits out."
GG: "Okay, Serena. It was fun watching you flame out, as usual, but I really want my stuff back."
Serena: "I have to figure out how crazy I'm going first, okay?"
Lola: "Serena, I'm sorry about before. I know what you were trying to do, the whole It Girl thing, and I appreciate it."
Serena: "Yeah, well, it's clearly not for you." Lola: "Could you have said that any bitchier?"
Lola: "On the upside, thanks to that underwear I wore an hour ago, my acting career is finally taking off."
Serena: "I don't really care."
Lola: "And I was thinking that instead of being like you, I want to have Everywoman appeal."
Serena: "I'm staring mutely at you because you are kind of the worst."
Lola: "I just thought you were going to that place you go sometimes."
Serena: "Listen, just don't get used to it. You think fame's tricky? Wait until your secret sister shows up being impersonated by a whole other girl who pretends she's on psych meds and then makes your boyfriend call her by your name while he's fucking her in your old high school and then the real one shows up and starts dating your ex and eventually eclipses your fame through underwear and deception."
GG Tipline Inbox: "Lola Lola Lola Lola Lola Lola"
Serena: "Lola Lola Lola Lola LolalolalolaLOLALOLAloluhhhhhhhhh"
Diana: "Honestly, that game of cat and mouse last night was more fun than sex with a little kid. I think working with you will be super fun."
Nate: "What about that time that you took the fall for Louis publishing Gossip Girl's sources?"
Diana: "Wow, a dropped plot even Jacob forgot about. Nate, you are on top of it today. Anyway, that wasn't me. I just let you think so because I deserve to be punished or something."
Nate: "Well, as they say, fifth time's the charm. I bet this time I can trust you."