Well done. Meanwhile, V explains to Dan that "consulting with someone else doesn't come easily" to her, which is a total fucking lie, and she apologizes for not asking Dan's permission to go to Haiti, and he finally grants it, but she says she doesn't want to go because he's sufficiently hounded her about how if she leaves for even five minutes they will break up and their lives will end and they will die alone, and she goes, "We both know it's better for our relationship if I stay," and he goes -- this motherfucker over here -- he goes, "Are you sure? You're making this decision for you? Not me? Not even us?" Okay, you dumb cunt, you better tell me what that even means. What can you possibly even mean by saying that to me? "No, I'm making this decision for the people of Haiti, who frankly have suffered enough."

Dan tells her they'll celebrate her complete subjugation to him by sneaking forties into the midnight showing of The Lost Weekend at Film Forum, which is just so classically them, and Vanessa's like, "First I have to have drinks with CNN and turn her down in person," and Dan's like, "But if you do that we might have to break up! I want to cut a hole in your abdomen and climb inside you so we never have to be apart! You'll be a bloodied kangaroo and I will be your little joey. Your little love-joey."

Nate finds Blair wandering the Upper West Side, pretending that she is a Columbia student, and sadly he doesn't find this as amusing as he usually would, because he's all steamed at her. Why? I guess because of the Jenny factor, although he couches it in that hyper-literal way of this episode: "You are going back to your old habits! Like emailing and texting!" Blair points out that Jenny is a drug dealer and thus deserves what she gets, and Nate says it doesn't matter why she's conniving, the problem is that she's back to conniving. Which, Nate is the Exposition Fairy all the time, that's fine, but also: Not only was Blair totally boring when this was going on, but she stopped doing it for Elizabeth's sake, which proved to be a massive mistake, so why wouldn't she go back. But most of all, also: It never really happened. Yes, she stayed off GG and away from complicated plots specifically employing surveillance technology, but she also tried to kill her mother's unborn baby throughout Thanksgiving dinner. You know what I mean?