Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Cutlery Chasing Me

Grateful for a mission, Blair speeds over to Chuck's -- not before the Columbia girls apparently use spider-hearing to figure out that she's not really a Columba student -- where he has left out a bottle of Dom '95, which he calls her favorite even though any fucking retard knows that it's actually Dom '96, but apparently she prefers Roederer nowadays anyway, so it doesn't matter. Chuck apologizes for the bras everywhere -- "Nadine left behind some of her intimates, she must have wanted an excuse to come back" -- but while Blair nearly laughs that she probably just left in a hurry, I'm more confused as to why Nadine came over wearing eleven bras in the first place.

Chuck acts super gay and rolls around on the couch and acts ridiculous and won't go see Lily, which Blair explains to him in Nate-sized words is -- because of how his parents keep dying or dying and then coming back to life or coming back to life as somebody else or fucking his uncle and then being dead but coming back to life only to reveal that they are an actor and your parent is really dead -- not really acceptable, and that if he doesn't go see Lily then terrible things will happen to his psyche. "Perhaps if you were at an Ivy," he snorts, "You'd have better insight." (Which is AMAZING, but we don't know that yet, so it just sounds mean when he says that.) The GG blast about B claiming to be at Columbia comes through -- "First she lost Chuck and now her dignity" -- but she tells him once again about keeping his heart open to Lily, because they are the only two people on this show with a healthy relationship, and she calls Amalia back at NYU and tells her to count her in for the falafel apartment.

Serena heads down to Waffle Central to yell at Rufus about how he's fucking with her dad via the co-op board, and Rufus totally tries to stand his ground and be admirable and honest, and she's just appalled at this whole act. Which it is, just appalling, even if he turns out to be right: He is constitutionally unable to do anything in the correct way. Whatever the easiest solution is, do something twice as complicated and make sure to involve a bunch of stances and moral stands and weird behavior like everything you know about fatherhood and adulthood and masculinity is just something you read in this book one time.

"I know you and my father used to hate each other? But that was a long time ago. You are the only one still having this fight. He has moved on." Lily shows up and Serena explains about how Rufus is acting like a petulant child, shocker, and Lily's like, "Jesus with this, still," and how it's "jealousy run amok" and Serena tells Rufus to sit, stay, roll over, he's not allowed to come to the gala. And not that I would like him to do otherwise, but the fact that he just stands there and whines soundlessly instead of responding in any way? If he had done one thing in this episode so far that didn't involve crapping on Lily or Serena, for no real reason, maybe it wouldn't seem so delicious now to see S put him in his place. Just kidding, that would be beautiful no matter what.

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Gossip Girl




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