Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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The Cutlery Chasing Me

But there's a certain lack of narrative pressure here, because Will could literally be a incontinental serial murderer and I would still be on his side, so the fact that S is picking Will over Rufus is like, "Name me a person you would not pick over Rufus."

Blair feels like babbling at the bar for no reason to whomever is standing nearby, which is quite a lovely coincidence when the person she complains to -- about being at Columbia tonight but stuck forever at NYU, "like being locked out of Lanvin on the day they get Fall in" -- just happens to be, and I'm sorry but this is total bullshit, an admissions officer at Columbia who just happens to have reviewed and approved her transfer application today. With even weirder music, like the usual GG score somehow merged with one of those cover albums that's U2 or Coldplay songs, but as lullabies for babies.

Seriously, that's the plot this week for her. That really happens. Dude just goes, "Welcome to Columbia, Blair Waldorf," shakes her hand, and bounces. And the only thing that makes it okay is the gorgeous, wonderful, hilarious faces she makes throughout the scene. Love that girl. Nate walks up -- "Whoa! You got crazy eyes!" -- and explains that Chuck applied for her months ago, because he knew she had too much pride to admit NYU was a mistake. Which cuts the coincidences in half and is super-sweet, but we still have the amazing timing of her babbling at the random guy. Oh well, I'm not going to complain.

You know who is? Rufus Humphrey. Eric gives him a whole speech about how Rufus and not Will belongs with Lily, and that Rufus needs to believe in himself, and he's got Rufus almost revved to go, and then Elliot shows up looking delicious, because Will wanted Eric to have a perfect first day. Rufus tells Eric that, in all fairness, he should at least give Will a shot, and takes off after Eric reiterates everything he said earlier.

"After Dr. van der Woodsen organized the response to the polio outbreak in India, he moved on to Somalia, where he served as a field coordinator in Huddur. While there, he oversaw everything from shrapnel wounds to cancer to chronic Illness." See? I didn't make it up. He treats Illness. Holland intercepts Rufus at the Columbia gala -- Why's she there? Who cares! -- and he blows her off to go bother Lily some more. He apologizes sweetly about the complete dick he's been all day, and she seems interested in reconciling.

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Gossip Girl

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