Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Cutlery Chasing Me

"...Improving access to primary health care to remote villages. He has done all of this while continuing to build his reputation as a leader in the progressive treatments of cancer..." the voice continues, and Jenny and Chuck stare at Lily and how pretty and not-at-all sick she looks, and Chuck gives her an x-ray with his x-ray eyes and Jenny thinks back to when she used to go through Lily's drawers and steal her pills and stuff, and wonders if there's something fishy there, and finally we know all the accomplishments and Will can take the stage.

Will gives a really inappropriate speech that has nothing to do with Columbia or the alums or medicine or the fact that he's being honored, and it's pretty much just excruciating to watch because it's so rude to everybody there, so completely boring and irrelevant to everyone else, and really just worthless. Except awesome, because really all it is is a heartfelt plea with Lily to let him be her fella again, because he loves S and Eric so much, and that if she could just see her way to kicking Rufus free, that would be great. And the look of abject pant-shitting fear in Rufus's eyes is more beautiful than a thousand white-hot Elliots. "My, oh, my. Did Dr. van der Woodsen just make a public pass at Rufus' wife? Looks like this doctor without borders... Needs a few boundaries." Well done, GG! One out of (63 eps, 5 act breaks per...) 315 ain't bad.

Lily tries to explain that, while yes, it turns out he was right about Will, she loves Rufus and not Will, so it doesn't impact her relationship with Rufus in any way. Rufus will beg to differ on that note, though, because he would like to throw some more fits and make Lily get another doctor, just like the last umpteen episodes. Lily warns him -- "I understand why you don't trust him, but surely, you trust me?" -- and he puts his foot down precisely in the wrong way, at the wrong time, and fucks everything up: "Okay, we'll put it aside till tomorrow. Let's get you home." Instead of telling him the actual deal -- which is that her body is her body and he is not in charge of her body, and he will additionally not be telling her when and why it's time for her to go to motherfucking bed, or where she will be or when they will leave wherever she motherfucking is -- Lily just tells Rufus he's sleeping at DUMBO tonight. Simple as that. That's how the Rhodes Women do it.

He goes downstairs to find Jenny, who is getting bitched out for selling a girl Oxy that turned out to be antibiotics: "Yeah, I didn't get high? I got a yeast infection." (Which specifically it was Oxycontin that Jenny stole from Lily for her Illness headaches, so I feel like we're being given a clue as to what is really going down, but I just can't see it yet. Maybe I should google "cancer.") Anyway, coincidentally now the cat is out of the bag and no amount of Jenny trying to explain that her whole point in coming here was to explain it, and Rufus squeals, "Like I'm gonna believe a word out of your mouth! Get your things and come with me! We're going home... To Brooklyn!" Well, I don't know about you but I did a backflip.

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Gossip Girl




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