Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Cutlery Chasing Me

"Anyway, one thing I'll say about William's treatment... Is that I have not lost my appetite. I want waffles!" (This is the third fucking time the word 'waffles' has happened, already, in this episode. I'm sorry, that's offensive. This episode is great and a relief in a lot of ways, but enough.) Will shows up out of the blue and Serena climbs him like a tree and Rufus is like what the fuck are you doing here and S shoots him a gorgeous look about how he can go fuck himself because she invited Will to breakfast.

I think Serena is just about the awesomest in this episode, because you never really see get to her explaining basic shit to Rufus, because she likes him so much, so it's nice to see the ultimate power of S giving him a smackdown. But I also like the fact that you get to see just how far Serena has to be pushed before she pulls out her guns. You know? Like how much did Chuck have to scheme and manipulate everybody before Serena decided to become Queen? So very much. And the same thing here, it's like, S expects you to accept the established order and she has lots of noblesse oblige to give. She likes to live in a happy universe where nobody questions her or makes things difficult, so if you cross her in a rude way -- in any way that suggests you are choosing, despite the common knowledge that S doesn't need any problems from you, to cause a problem -- you will be annihilated, because there is not a game that exists at which Serena isn't better than you. She just chooses not to play most of the time, because she'd rather fuck Nate in the kitchen and eat strawberries. That's honestly all she'd rather be doing.

Will gives Lily a "checkup" that involves touching her neck lightly in the living room for a few seconds and then inviting everybody to a Doctors Without Borders gala at Columbia, where he is an alumnus, despite Serena's longstanding belief that he went to Harvard, who cares really, and besides this year is sort of culminating in a Columbia place because of Blair, so it's fine. Will's false humility about this celebration, of his work with Illness and other illnesses -- "Clearly Columbia's run out of alumni to honor, if the best they could come up with is me!"-- is hilarious to see and really irritating for Eric. Serena gives him the shush and says she's invited Nate and Blair, as if we need at this point an explanation for why every single person in the cast will be at the party. This is not our first rodeo; this is in fact our sixty-third rodeo.

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Gossip Girl




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